Why RSD Is Sabotaging Your Career (And How to Stop It)

  Welcome to the Outsmart ADHD podcast. I'm your host, Jamie Cutino, board certified occupational therapist, two time TED speaker, ADHD coach, ADHD advocate, and reality show contestant. Now, let's talk about ADHD.

 Hello friends, and how the fuck are you doing today? I am really excited to be here with you. I'm excited for this topic. RSD, rejection Sensitive dysphoria. The term gets thrown around a lot. I think there's a lot of misconceptions. For those of you who work in corporate or professional settings, you're really gonna be excited about this episode because it's so applicable and I think because of the shame that it causes,

it's not talked about enough in professional settings. So let's get into it. RSD Rejection sensitive dysphoria. What the fuck is it? RSD is an intense emotional dysregulation caused by how your A DHD brain is wired. It is not caused by trauma and it's not alleviated by talk therapy. I think there's a big misconception of, since ADHDers are , rejected exponentially more than non A DHD people, that this RSD is caused by trauma and the reduction you faced in the past, but it's actually caused by how your brain is wired.

You can be more sensitive to have rejection sensitivity because of, being rejected exponentially more than non A DHD people. But as far as RSD and the phenomenon of RSD. It is not caused by anything other than how your brain is wired. Okay. All righty. So what triggers RSD perceived rejection, underline, perceived 17,000 times.

It doesn't have to be actual projection. It can be actual rejection because obviously if you are being rejected, you're gonna probably perceive it as rejection, but it's perceived rejection. Okay? This could be in come in the form of teasing and criticism, no matter how constructive that criticism is.

If you perceive it's rejection, it's going to cause RSD. If you have RSD and. Negative self-talk after your perceived failures. So you fuck up something at work or you say something in a meeting and it doesn't go over well. You tell yourself, oh my gosh, I'm this big old piece of shit. And you have this negative talk circle looping around in your head.

Okay, so those can trigger RS, D. All right. What does it look like? RSD, as I mentioned already, it's an intense emotional dysregulation for me. When I feel RSD, I get like a pit in my stomach, like just sick to my stomach and nothing can fucking help it. Sometimes my face will get hot, I can get a headache crying, just.

Like really intense, deep emotional pain. That's how I experience it. It can look like emotional outbursts. It could, like here are some signs of it if you're withdrawing from social situations because you're afraid that rejection could come with that social situation. Negative self-talk.

Thoughts of self-harm can be signs of RSD, avoiding social settings where you might fail or be criticized. And this is why RSD is often hard to distinguish from social anxiety disorder. Okay. And this information is coming from Attitude Magazine. I'm almost sure I'm gonna double check that.

Yeah, so that's from attitude Magazine, A-D-D-I-T-U-D-E. They have a really great information on A DHD.

Signs of it can be low self-esteem, constant negative self-talk, becoming your own worst enemy rumination, thinking about it over and over again. And relationship issues. It can leave you constantly feeling attacked and responding defensively.

It's really disruptive to your daily life. Anyone who has experienced RSD knows how deep this can affect you your romantic relationships, your friendships, your work. We're gonna get into the other places that can affect your life. Today we're gonna talk more about. The professional setting.

Okay, so ways that this can affect your work is it can make it a lot harder to share ideas. Just think about it. If you're at work and it's very obvious that you have the solution to a problem, but you're thinking, oh, what if my coworkers think that this is a shitty idea? Or you're thinking back to a previous meeting and you said something and nobody discredited it.

But nobody outright said, oh yeah, that's a really great idea. So you internalized it as perceived rejection and therefore it kept you from sharing your ideas when you had them. I. In the future, it can make it really hard to receive constructive criticism. Think about job reviews.

Think about maybe a one-on-one that you're having with your boss every quarter or something where you're not always in touch with what they're thinking. Feedback feels like it comes out of nowhere because, you barely ever have time for a one-on-one. And anything that they say that isn't, Hey, kudos to you're fucking killing.

It could be perceived as they think I'm terrible, I'm gonna get fired. I'm doing a horrible job. And let's be honest. It's just really hard to do what you have to do at your highly. Emotionally intensive, mentally intensive job. It's already challenging to do that without having RSD, this can make it damn near impossible to just get your shit done.

It can make it really hard to work in teams because if you're working in teams, you have to give and receive feedback all the time. And it can make it really challenging. It can make it really hard for you, and it can make it really hard for your coworkers too to be able to feel like they can come to you and give you feedback.

It can make you feel like you're constantly going to get fired. I've heard quite a few people talking about every time they get an email from their boss or a message from their boss or something, they feel like, okay, this is the day I'm gonna get fired. I know. I used to feel like that. I used to have such panic when I would get an unexpected message from my boss or manager or whoever, thinking, okay, I must have fucked up.

This can really get in the way of not asking for a raise because one, if you are experiencing RSD, you're probably gonna feel like I'm doing a shitty job no matter how well you're doing. Which is gonna make it challenging for you to feel like, Hey, I deserve a lot more fucking money for this job.

It can absolutely derail the amount of money that you're making. I am excited about when I go into this as far as business owners because in, if you're in sales, like you can be in sales in a corporate job or doing a lot of different things and having RSD can keep you from. Reaching out to other businesses or reaching out to potential customers and getting sales, it can affect your your pay.

Not only in getting a raise, but also just being able to perform the job duties to be able to get the job done, to be able to make the money. It can make it really hard to respond to emails, which makes it really hard to get your job done. It affects. Every single part of your corporate job. If you have a corporate job, this can be absolutely debilitating.

To the point of, I have had people tell me that they have lost their jobs over RSD and I. That's devastating. The last thing I ever want is for any person that's A DHD or A DHD, especially a woman or afab with A DHD or A DHD to ever lose their job or lose their livelihood over RSD. Okay, so let's talk about what actually helps.

There's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that there is not like a specific therapy or medication that helps with RSD. When I went on attitude Magazine, it said something like Clonidine might help, but there's not a medication that is endorsed for specifically RSD. Yeah, unfortunately, talk therapy.

Don't go to a mental health therapist for RSD because talk therapy isn't really going to do much for it. What does help though is having a better sense of self and higher self-esteem and a more regulated nervous system going into these situations. Okay, you might be wondering like, how the fuck do I get a better self-esteem or better nervous system regulation?

Most of the time it's gonna come from working with someone who knows how to help you to regulate your nervous system and understands how your A DHD brain works. There's a reason why people come to me after they've already done mental health therapy, like a talk therapy and it hasn't helped them. I am typically the person that people go to after they go to, a talk therapist and that's covered by their insurance and realize it actually didn't help them with what they're really fucking struggling with. That's typically when people find me. And because someone with A DHD that understands A DHD especially being an occupational therapist and having a very good understanding of the.

The way that our brain works and the behaviors and the why behind the behaviors. It takes that knowledge to understand what is gonna help you to regulate your nervous system. Most of the people that. I run into are very overworked, exhausted, burnt out, not feeling very good about themselves, not able to accomplish what they want to accomplish.

And of course they feel like shit, they're exhausted. And that is a breeding ground for RSD Because of having a DHD, we already struggle with nervous system regulation, but if you pile on being burnt out. And exhausted and not having support. It is gonna make emotional regulation a lot worse, and it's going to make the frequency and the intensity of RSDA lot harder.

Okay, so to help with RSD if you're feeling it. Don't go to a mental health therapist trying to look for answers. Find someone who is neuro affirming, who understands A DHD, who hopefully has experienced it themselves so that they can help you. And who has the credentials to help you in a track record of being able to help, especially high performing people that are either in corporate or professional settings.

Find that person because they're gonna help you to. Restructure your life and your work so that you are a lot more regulated so that you can handle perceived rejection with a lot less intensity than you would if you didn't have a regulated nervous system. Also, working with someone who is neuro affirming is gonna help you to deconstruct the internalized ableism.

Of I should be able to do this. I should be doing better. I should be working harder. This is all happening because I am lazy and I'm not motivated. I have yet to find a woman that's A-D-H-D-A-D-H-D that has come along my path, who is struggling because they're not motivated, they're struggling because of executive functioning issues.

They're struggling because of RSD. They're struggling because nobody has ever given them a playbook of how the fuck to do your life. When you have a DHD. That's why you're struggling. So as much as I wish I could say to do, three simple steps and RSD won't affect you as much anymore, I would be lying to you and anyone that says that they have a program for you that can cure RSD is an absolute fucking liar and do not listen to them, but they're using it for their marketing.

I will not be using shit for marketing if it's not true. What is true is that you do need a more regulated nervous system, and you do need to have a better sense of self, and you're only gonna have that through working with someone who can help you to deconstruct all of those things that you've been taught about yourself, your entire life, and those horrible spinning thoughts you have in your head of yourself.

That came from teachers, that came from parents caregivers. Peers when you are a kid. All of those things need to be deconstructed and do a complete 180 to create a life where you're able to fucking crush it in your job. Ask for more money. Demand more money, and feel better day to day. Every day isn't meant to feel like an uphill fucking battle.

If it does, it's time to hire some help. In the show notes, there's going to be a link where you can inquire about my one-on-one coaching specifically for A DHD and a DHD women who work in corporate or professional settings, or are full-time business owners. I hope that you'll take a moment to share this episode with anybody that could be helped by this who is experiencing RSD in the workplace to let them know that they are not alone and that.

With a regulated nervous system, a more regulated nervous system, and some support, their life can look very fucking different even a month from now. I will talk to you soon, my friends. Bye now.

 Are you a high achieving woman with ADHD looking for a coach or maybe an event coordinator looking for a wildly captivating speaker? Perfect. Go to OutsmartADHD. co. That's OutsmartADHD. co to get in touch. And before I forget, would you mind taking a minute to share this podcast with someone you love? It would mean the world to me.

Thanks my friend. Until next time.