How to Make More Money and Dismantle the Patriarchy

Welcome to the Outsmart ADHD podcast. I'm your host, Jamie Cuttino, board certified occupational therapist, two time TED speaker, ADHD coach, ADHD advocate, and reality show contestant. Now, let's talk about ADHD.

 Hey, gorgeous humans. Welcome back to my show. It's officially 2025 as I'm recording this. It's January 3rd. I'm not sure when you're going to find it, depending on when I edit the damn thing and upload it, but I'm super stoked to be here with you today. And. If you know me, if you've known me for any amount of time by now, I like to talk about those taboo topics, those things that, you know, cute little tiny women aren't supposed to talk about.

I like to talk about that type of shit because I care about you and what I don't care about is the patriarchy. What I do care about is things like you making more fucking money in 2025. So if you're looking for. How exactly to do that? We're going to go through all of that right here, including why you should care about this and why it's in your best interest and also in the best interest of many other women and marginalized communities.

Okay. Okay. Let's talk about it. First, let's dismantle The fucking patriarchy. You've been given messages from the time that you were a little baby of why you should be quiet and not make money and Let's talk about that. Let's talk about those messages. Women have been taught to downplay their achievements constantly.

So, you know you do this if you say something that you do that's really cool, and then you'll follow it with a disclaimer. Like, oh yeah, I have this business, but I'm only making X amount of money, or, but I'm not really an expert, I've only been doing it for this amount of time. You give a disclaimer for the really cool thing that you've done.

That's one way to know that you're done playing your achievements. You know, that you're part of the patriarchy when you talk about your career or a business you're excited for, or you're want to go back to school. And someone asks you, but what will you do when you have kids? Or if you already have kids, what are you going to do with your kids?

Because it's automatically assumed that you are going to be the one in that caretaker role. If you are a single parent. And you're the one that is a woman or assigned female at birth. Oftentimes you are the primary caregiver, oftentimes because of this patriarchal society that we're in men don't have as big of a role as they should in their, in their children's lives.

And it's absolute bullshit. And even for marriages and relationships where there are two active parents, oftentimes it's still the one that is a woman or is the mom that is the primary caregiver. Part of the patriarchy and a lot of people be like, okay. Yeah, but like he's not the same type of parent I am he's not as nurturing Well, a lot of that goes to how people are socialized as well men are not socialized to Like to just assume that they are going to be like 50 percent of the parent I think about why I chose to not have kids for one I've never had that urge but for two I have never been interested in being a primary caregiver For tiny humans for anybody really to be quite frank with you So, you know, you're part of the patriarchy if you've ever been asked What will you do when you have kids or what are you gonna do since you do have kids?

Because god forbid you follow your dreams when you have kids another way that you know that we're all part of this fucking patriarchy. Leadership and business books are written by, most of the time, 40 year old cis gender heterosexual white men. Disgusting. Very rarely will you see a leadership book written by women, by a queer person, by a person of color, by it's all part of this patriarchal white supremacy.

Another reason, The, or another evidence of being part of the patriarchy is that for women, it's incredibly taboo to talk about money. If a man talks about how much money he's making, he's, you know, he's really great. If he's talking about how he makes six figures. Oh, fantastic. He's seen as like this powerful person, this person that women are going to want to, you know, swoon to and fall to part of the patriarchy.

And also. Think about how you would feel if you were to say out loud, I really like money. Think about it. Sit with it. Think about how it would feel to just say out loud. I really want to buy that purse just because you want to buy the fucking purse or that outfit or the skincare products or whatever.

Women have been constantly taught that if they're struggling with money, it's because we buy, you know, for millennials, we buy too much avocado toast, or we are too worried about XYZ. And we're also fed that we have to buy into having the latest trends and looking a certain way and having a certain body.

Because guess what? As long as women feel like shit about themselves, they're going to buy into the systems that make you pay to look a certain way. And if you never feel good about yourself, you're Always going to be paying into it. It all benefits people who are not women. And those who are socialized as women.

Okay, I know, this feels like doom and gloom, but to see that there is a problem, I want you to really understand like where this stems from, and it stems from the patriarchy. That's why you feel so shitty about talking about money, okay? How does this affect society? You know, it really society really benefits on women not valuing themselves.

Why? Because you stay small. When you're in jobs, say that you have a job, a nine to five job or any type of job, if you are taught to ask for very little, you're You're going to do a lot for very little. You're going to be that person. That's the go to of, Hey, can you help me with this? On top of all of your other job duties, you are taught to not negotiate high when you're in a job.

You're taught to maybe go for something that's entry level when you're way more skilled. There's a statistic, I'd have to find the exact statistic, but I believe it's women will only apply for a job when they have met 90 to 100 percent of the qualifications. Whereas a man will apply to a job if he's only met 50 to 60 percent of them.

This goes back to women feeling like they have to work 17 times harder because they have historically which is part of the patriarchy. Okay. If you do not have confidence in your abilities and your confidence in yourself and the ability to make more money, you are much more likely to be dependent on a man.

And this is very beneficial for men, for people you are in a relationship with. For those who you've had a family with, it's great for them because they don't have to worry about being the primary caregiver for the kids. They don't have to worry about keeping the house clean. As long as you don't feel like you are valuable.

In and of itself, because you are a human being, you're always going to be going above and beyond for other people, for your spouse, for friends, for everybody. It's going to exhaust you. And not having that energy, you can't even put back into yourself or even begin to dismantle the patriarchy if you're always constantly fucking exhausted.

All right. And you'll be doing things like saying yes to others, like unpaid overtime. Disgusting. We're going to put a stop to that in 2025. Okay. Does is this making you angry? I hope it's making you angry. I hope it's making you realize that this is completely fucked up and we have to change. Like make little changes in ourselves to be able to create the change that we want to change.

Okay. So let's talk about some reasons why you need to make more money. Here is a statistic. I just looked up prior to this recording. Women invest up to 90 percent of their income in their families and their communities. Men invest up to 30 to 40 percent only 30 to 40%. Whereas women invest up to 90 percent of their income into their families and communities.

My friends, that is a vast fucking difference. Imagine. The impact that you would make as someone who makes 100, 000 a year versus say a man that makes 100, 000 a year. How much more would go into women owned businesses? How much more would go into your families? The quality of your children's lives would be so much vast would be vastly improved if you were the one to make more money.

And also, money equals choices. When you have money, you can invest in yourself. You can invest in things like an ADHD coach, you can invest in things like therapy, you can invest in things like taking courses, you can invest in yourself, you can get the fucking skincare products that you want simply because you want them, you can feel more confident in your abilities and have more pride in yourself.

These are all things that we've been taught to downplay and to not be proud about and not to talk about, which again, it does not benefit us at all. So let's try to put a stop to it in 2025. I personally love. Investing in services, especially from women with ADHD, I seek it out. Luckily my algorithm, well not luckily, it's been curated that way.

My algorithm on Facebook, which is the only place I'm really on social media. It brings me, you know, women with ADHD because I'm a woman with ADHD and I talk about it fucking constantly. So. Yeah. So I love investing in other ADHD women, other ADHD business owners. My hypnotherapist is an ADHD woman. My editor for my book is an ADHD woman.

My My ADHD coach is an ADHD woman, my therapist is an ADHD woman, the person whose course I took to learn how to pitch for speaking gigs is an ADHD woman. I seek to invest in those communities because I know it's going to positively impact that person, therefore give them more power and have more more agency in their decisions and their choices.

When you don't have money, you don't have resources to invest in yourself, into your family, into your well being, into your life, into your longevity, into your happiness. This is why this is so important, friend. Okay, so now let's talk about some tangible things of how do I make more money? Cause you might be listening to this and think like, well, Jamie, this is all fucking fine and dandy, but now what do I do with it?

This is what you do with it. Quit being shy about your skill sets. And what this can look like is, let's say that you are someone who is in a job, and you've been working there, and you did not negotiate a high enough wage. Okay, sucks. It sucks being in that position. But let's say that you're in that position.

When you do anything that is at all out of the ordinary write that thing down and keep track of it. If you are a, let's say that you are, that you work in an office and you are like their business manager, write down all of the different pain in the ass, ass things that you have taken care of. The things that you have taken care of before that meeting.

Like anything that you can write down to show you know what I do go above and beyond. I'm really fucking good at my job I'm efficient. Write down the things that you do outside of your freaking job duties Do not be quiet about that and you're not going to remember all those things So when they happen write them down in the moment, you can literally have have it in the in your phone, you have an app like a notes app.

You can write it down there If you like to use chat gpt One tip that is amazing, I've been using it to keep track of my social media ideas, is you can actually go in a chat GPT and say, I need you to give me or to keep a running list of things that I do that are, you know, exemplary in my job. I'm going to be using this to negotiate a wage.

And then, and then say like, save everything that I give you about this. And then, when something comes up, go back into ChatGPT. It doesn't need to be in the same thread. Now that you've trained ChatGPT for this, it doesn't need to be in the same thread. So you can go in there in a new chat and say, Okay, on, This date, I did this thing.

Save it to my job duties that I'm asking you to save and it will save and then if you go back in there and say, okay, pull up all the things that I've done that are exemplary in my job, it'll pull up all of those things. Now you have it. Evidence and you have something to go. Like a basis to go after a raise If you are a business owner and you do your marketing on social media, don't shut the fuck up about the Results that you get for your clients About the quality of the products that you create about the time that you put into it about the research that you put into it.

Call yourself a fucking expert because you are just degrees do not make you an expert. A degree can make you an expert period, but if you don't have a degree, it does not mean that you're not an expert. If you have ADHD, if you're listening to this podcast, there's a really good chance that you're someone that will deep dive into something and learn everything about it within three fucking days.

Talk about that. Talk about all the different things that you know about the products or the service that you provide, the quality, like why you're the best person to buy from, the impact that you're having. Do not be shy about it. Being quiet about the impact that you have about your business. It does not get you paid.

It does not bring in money. Quit being shy about what you What you do and the impact that you're having. Okay. And if you're wondering, you know, am I being too much? Am I, like, should I be quieter about this? I want you to think about how a cisgender, heterosexual, white, mediocre man would talk about themselves.

They talk about themselves as if they are God. Have you read a self help book written by one? I have read several. I have to deconstruct so much of it with my coach now. I wish I could go back in time and like seriously not read one fucking self help book written by a man. But they talk so highly of themselves and most of them are incredibly mediocre.

The more mediocre I find that people in that category are, it seems like the louder that they are. Start being loud and start taking up space. You've been taught to be small your entire life in all your social interactions and what you do. It's time to take up more space and talk about it. Okay. All right.

If you are someone who is looking for a job, be the person that I don't care if you are entry level in the, in the market that you're in. There's a really good chance that you probably have an educated education. If you're listening to this you went to school for this a long fucking time. You have student debt and it's time to get it paid off and to live your life.

You can't do that unless you're making more money. When I was a new grad occupational therapist, what I did to negotiate a high wage was I told them I recruiter reached out, reached out to me or recruiter for the specific company. And I told her, you know, I already have a job offer for 105, 000 if you.

can't beat it or match it. We have nothing more to talk about. And that's exactly what I told her and I believe it was, it was in pretty much those exact words. And she said, Okay, that falls. I'll see what I can do. I think that falls in, in line with, you know, what we can offer you. And they did end up giving me more money.

They ended up giving me 108, 000 for that job. I did not have a job lined up at that time. I had one full time offer. No, I didn't have any full time offers at that point. I think I had a full time offer that came in after I negotiated that. That was like 92, 000. But I wanted to make more money than that.

I wanted to make as much money as possible. In the interview, I literally told them, I like you guys. You seem great. I think I would fit in well here, but I'm going to be honest that it's going to come down to money and I have student loans. I've been in positions where I've depended on people financially, and it's, and it's been detrimental for me.

I've been in that situation twice. I refuse to be in that situation ever again. Also, I deserve nice things. And these are things that I have said, that I said during that interview. They knew. I was going to be asking for a lot of money. I ended up getting paid more than a physical therapist that had been working in the field for over 10 years, a, a, another, and he was a man, a female physical therapist who had been in the field for 30 years, a speech therapist who had been in the field for, I can't remember if it was 14 or 17 years, I negotiated a higher wage than all of those people.

And then I told them how much I was making and then the, they. The speech therapist ended up negotiating a higher wage, too, because of it. I'm really, really passionate about this. You deserve to be making more money. These are things that you can be saying and that you can be doing to make more money.

We can't do anything about the fact that we live in this patriarchal society, but we can stand our ground, stand firm in who we are. And we can. Be loud and proud about who we are, what our assets are, what you're an expert in, and that you deserve more fucking money. When you're willing to say the taboo things, I find that people take you more seriously.

They are maybe a little bit shocked at first. I think people are shocked when they look at me. Up until recently, I looked much younger than I am. I think stress aged me quite a bit, but yeah. I looked very young for a long time, and this skill set has helped me tremendously. Okay, another way you can make more money is if you are a business owner, ask for referrals.

Ask for referrals. You, like, it's one of the easiest way to get more clients. And my speaking business, I had only done so far One paid speaking gig. I just booked my second one, but I've only done one paid speaking gig after that gig I asked, Hey, you know what? I would love some feedback on how I did.

I never assume I do a good job. I would love to just know what you feel like it could have improved upon what you enjoyed. And they said, you know what? Let's like have a meeting and talk about it. They ended up telling me, you know, you did a really, really great job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They ended up asking me, I think they caught on when I was asking so many questions.

They're like, is this the first time that you've ever done this? And I said, in this capacity at a school, like in this way, yes, it is the first time I've done my Ted talks at colleges. I did the work or the workshop that I did at this gig, I did it at a conference before, but this is the first time that I'm doing them together at a college like this.

I think they were surprised because I went in there very confident. These people booked me and they were the very first people that I had ever had a, a consult with about doing a paid speaking engagement and they hired me, but I went into it very confidently when they asked, you know, how long is your keynote?

How long is your workshop? I spoke out of my ass. I said, the workshop is between an hour and two hours, depending on how you want me to format it. The keynote is about 45 minutes. I went into it as if I had done this before and confidence as if I had done this before and leverage that I have done TED talks, that I have a podcast, that I have been speaking for a very long time.

They didn't need to know I've never been paid for it before. So anyway, after this meeting, I asked, do you have any colleges that you that you work with, that you network with? That might benefit from my speaking services and they gave me the name of a college and two specific contacts. I asked, is it okay if I mentioned that you were the one that referred me?

They said yes. So now I get to follow up with these people who are most likely going to be a lot warmer lead than say someone that I called Cold reached out to, which is how I'm getting speaking gigs. Ask for referrals. It's a way to get more money. If you are a product owned business, you are, can send, like, say that you send out these products, you can put something in the packaging.

That's like 10 percent off to give this to a friend. So they can enjoy this, these products as well, or put a little sample in there for them. So they can give it to somebody else. Therefore you can build up your clientele. There are always ways. To get more money to make more money. Talk about testimonials.

Talk about testimonials of, I don't care if you are in a job looking for a job or have a business. Talk about how you have impacted people. This goes back to referring to yourself as an expert and what you bring to the world. Testimonials are really concrete. People trust you more if you have evidence of, you know, what you do works who you serve, what they do works.

People will invest in themselves if they know that it's worth the investment. So that's why it's so incredibly important to talk about yourself as if you are an expert. And again, this is not just if you have a business, it's also if you have a nine to five job. Talk about the clients that you've impacted, the way that you have created efficiency in the company that you work, that you work in talk about how long you've been there, about how much everybody loves you there.

All of that is incredibly important. Those are some ways that you can start to make more money, friend. Okay. So when it comes down to doing all of this, it's going to feel very uncomfortable. You've not done this before. You are working against societal norms. You're working against the patriarchy. You are working against what you have been programmed.

To do since you were literally a baby, you've been given these, all of these cues and messages and subliminal meshes messages that have literally made their self into their made themselves into your, your subconscious mind and have decided to live their rent free. And you've had no control over it, but guess what?

Now you're doing a lot of work on dismantling all of this. So when you feel really uncomfortable, I want you to think about why is it important to you to make more money. And be really fucking honest with yourself. Be so honest with yourself. It's really easy when you ask yourself why to go to that altruistic thing of, you know, I just want to impact more people or I want to invest in other female, you know, own businesses or I want to do X, Y, Z for, I don't know, for a family member or a friend or whatnot.

Ask yourself why and go deeper. Why we do things as humans is innately a self fulfilling reason. If it is not, you will not stick with it. The reason why I seek to make more money, you will is so that I have freedom. I do not want to go back to working a nine to five fucking job. It was exhausting. It was not fulfilling.

I did not enjoy it. I did not enjoy having autonomy over my life. I did not enjoy asking for time off. I fucking despised it. That, in and of itself, keeps me going to talk to you about what an expert I am in ADHD, to keep pitching for speaking gigs, to unapologetically say I cost 5, 000 for a speaking engagement, and for them to say, okay, and quite frankly, mail me a check.

That is what keeps me going. It is what keeps me not humble. It is what has gotten me the fuck out of my own way. So I want you to really ask yourself what is important to yourself. Is it that you have security? Is it that you can leave your piece of shit husband? Is it so that you don't have to depend on anybody else?

Is it so that you can have pride in yourself? Is it so that you can finally feel like you're good enough because you have spent your entire life feeling like you're not good enough and you had parents that taught you that? That's a good enough reason. Whatever that reason is, I hope it's a self fulfilling reason, because if it's not, you will not force yourself to be uncomfortable and do some of these things that I'm talking to you about.

You have to have that why, that selfish why, self full why, to anchor yourself. I want to talk to you a little bit about my life before and after really honing in on this skill. I. In my business, I was someone who was not talking about what I do on social media at all. I went so long where people didn't even know that I was an ADHD coach.

They didn't know how to hire me. They didn't know how my services work. They didn't know I was an expert They didn't know I was at an occupational therapy school. They didn't know that I had my ot degree once I had it They didn't know that I passed my certification They didn't know about the clients that I had impacted.

None of that. I was exhausted. Every day I spent my day doing what I thought was helpful for my business, reading more of those shitty self help books you know, thinking about an offer, not actually launching it, not talking about why I'm good at what I'm doing. When people were shitty on the internet, when I did finally talk about what I do, I allowed them to be shitty to me.

I tried to be palatable. I tried to understand their perspective and tell it instead of just telling them to fuck off or block them I have the motto now Like if you're not going to fuck me feed me or finance me. I have no interest in what your opinion is of me period my life when I was working jobs and I didn't know my worth, I was at one point working at a gym with my bachelor's degree of exercise science, working at a gym and accepted a wage of 30, 000 a year.

When I was pretty much running that thing, I was doing their marketing. I was the reason why people were. Why the retention rate was so high. They had 100 percent more clients when I left about 10 months later than they did when I started. And I was the only differentiator from when I started there and when I left there.

I was doing so much more than what was in my job duties and I was accepting fucking pennies. I will never do that again. I was exhausted working split shifts. I didn't have enough money to live on my own if I wanted to at that point. At that point, living with my boyfriend was, I, I had to, it wasn't even an option.

I know what it's like to not have choices. I know what it's like to grow up in a family where my mom did not feel like she had a choice to be able to leave because she didn't have money. I know what it's like to be in a relationship where I felt like I didn't have the opportunity to leave when I wasn't happy in it.

It came down to I did not have choices. I was burnt out, exhausted, and hating my fucking life. And that's why I feel so strongly about women making more money so that they do have choices. Okay, friend. That was a lot. Let's take a deep breath together.

I hope that you take what I say seriously, that you take it to heart. You deserve to make more money. There's nothing taboo about it. I hope that you make small actions, small and comfortable actions, until you are making the money that you need to make to really have the freedom and choices that you deserve.

And if this is something that you want to dive in closer with me, I love helping my clients through this. I absolutely fucking love it. Recently I had got a message from a client who said because of you, I made an extra 30, 000 this year. Let me see if I can pull it up really quick.

Okay, here's the message. She said. Also, I keep forgetting to tell you thank you. So I got my retention bonus and I was reading through the paper. My supervisor literally had to write about why I deserve it. Part of the reason I got the bonus is because I recognized my value and unique skills and would leave for a better opportunity.

for a salary and benefits I know I deserve. So you helping me to negotiate and teaching me I'm worth more actually helped me again with the bonus. LOL, I got a bonus because they know I don't fuck around. Girl, this means my salary is 87, 000 for this, or for this next year with the bonus. I never thought I'd ever make it.

See this kind of money. Thank you for teaching me to stand up for myself with a job. Like I do with men, lol. And then she said, damn, you need to do a shit ton of speeches at universities. I'll even write a little anecdotal piece for you on this. Without you teaching me, I would have lost out on 29, 000. She for context, she is a new grad registered dietitian.

She's been in the field for about a year and a half now, I believe. And I believe she said she's in the, oh, I'd have to go back. It's like the top. Her salary is now in the 80th percentile for median annual national salary in the United States as a registered dietitian. And she's, and then she said, and I've only been a dietitian for 1. 5 years. She has options because of this. She's able to live on her own as a single woman. She doesn't have to rely on a man or a partner or anybody or her family.

She's able to live comfortably. She buys all of the plants that she wants because she's obsessed with plants. And she has options and she has choices. She's able to afford therapy. She's able to afford going to a good psychiatrist. She's able to afford a lot of things because she negotiated high. So, that's just one person I've worked with.

There are many, many, many others. I'll talk about more of them on future episodes, but I am currently taking on one on one clients. There is a link in the show notes if you would like to talk with me about this. The inquiry form takes about 10 seconds to fill out, and I will personally reach back out to you with an email or a text message.

Whatever you prefer. All right, my friends, let's go put our middle finger up to the patriarchy and make more money. Until next time.

 Are you a high achieving woman with ADHD looking for a coach or maybe an event coordinator looking for a wildly captivating speaker? Perfect. Go to outsmartadhd. co that's outsmartadhd. co to get in touch. And before I forget, would you mind taking a minute to share this podcast with someone you love? It would mean the world to me.

Thanks my friend until next time.