With a narcissist? Relationship problems? Late-diagnosed ADHD or Autism? with Molli Pruitt

  Welcome to the Outsmart ADHD podcast. I'm your host, Jamie Cuttino, board certified occupational therapist, two time TED speaker, ADHD coach, ADHD advocate, and reality show contestant. Now, let's talk about ADHD.

 Hello, my friends. Welcome back to the Outsmart ADHD podcast. I hope you're as excited as I am, because I specifically reached out to Molly Pruitt because I'm obsessed with her content. And I'm like, listen, you seem like someone I want to talk to. You seem very interesting. So I invited her to be on the show.

Um, Molly is a licensed professional counselor in Georgia in the United States. And a brain health credentialed coach across the U S she has been serving individuals and couples for 14 years and has also been in corporate America for 17 years. She finds that she utilizes a unique blend of vision strategy and grounding to help clients achieve their desires.

Molly is married for four years. 14 years and has a beautifully neurodynamic daughter, age 12. Molly ultimately hopes to spread love, compassion, and self esteem to all she encounters. Molly, thank you so much for being here today. Wow. I had good words that day. Cause it's true. I love, love. I love to spread love.

I love compassion. Those are my favorites. So yeah. I can tell just from your content too. Okay, neurodynamic. The first time I have heard someone use that wording instead of neurodivergent and I'm super curious, are they synonymous? Do you see them as synonymous? Um, reason for using that word, tell me all of the things.

I'm super curious. So I kind of made it up the word that neurodivergent for me feels a little aggressive because divergent kind of sounds like you're going off a cliff or somewhere different then. Ah, okay. To me is just like all the different facets of sort of this way and that way. A lot of the ways I describe our brains is like in like a manual transmission versus an automatic.

So the dynamics of different speeds and just the different facets and aspects. So for me, I just. personally coined it as neurodynamic. So it's not, it hasn't caught on or anything, but that's, uh, it just resonated with me. When the next DSM comes out, Neurodynamic is going to be in there, Molly, and there's going to be a little asterisk, and on the bottom of the page, it's going to say coined by Molly Pruitt, and it's going to be fantastic.

Um, We're going to keep it out of the DSM and just be freaking awesome. There we go. Give them to themselves, like there's something, you know, labeled that we need to be addressing. Exactly. I love that. Okay, so you have been doing this for 14 years. Okay. Who, who, who comes into your office? Do you have a specialty?

Like, tell me all the things we get to see like behind, behind the scenes of a mental health counselor, which I think is really, really freaking cool. For sure. So fun fact, I was in corporate America until I was almost 30 and my mom died. I know we share a similar story with our grief walks. It's a really big part of my story, so wasn't diagnosed neurodiverse of any kind in childhood, but definitely knew I was different.

But when she, my mom passed away, she was a teacher and she, she was sad to retire. And I said, you know what? I want to be sad to retire. So I went back. And I was like, I really wanted to pursue psychology, but I was too afraid with my self esteem stuff. So, but at that point in my life, I was like, I'm going to get my master's in counseling.

So it wasn't a well thought out thing. And again, I had no frame of reference for like ADHD or, um, autism or anything like that. At that point, I jumped, I went into, got my, got my master's left corporate America and stumbled in. And through as a counselor. So want to let you know, that's the glamorous side, right?

It wasn't well thought out. It wasn't something I dreamed to be as a kid and just manifest. I literally, I didn't know about impulsivity, but I just was like, I have to do this in order to really save my life because I was really in deep burnout at that point. Didn't again, know exactly what all was going on.

So, um, I served the community, I served foster children in home, I served families in home for about three to four years, and then I opened up my private practice and I've been serving individuals and couples. I basically got on psychology today and they've been, they were a great referral source forever and just started seeing families.

I also worked with EAP since I'd the corporate background. Ooh, what's EAP? Yes, thank you for asking. It's an employee assistance program. Okay. A lot of corporations do offer that in their additional health benefits. Okay. Other people don't take them up on it. So I would love if you do have access to EAP services in a corporate environment, definitely do that because a lot of times you get like three to six counseling appointments that are paid for not under any But under a different benefit package, but a lot of people take them and, uh, they don't, they're like, Oh, I don't need that, but you'd be surprised how much three to six to 10 to 12 sessions can really help you with an EAP person.

So, Oh my gosh, absolutely. I'm thinking of just even my own journey in therapy in my, my most current therapist. She's fucking awesome. I can only imagine, like, even if I had six sessions with her, amazing. Right. It helps a little bit. And then once you graduate from there, you can continue with that person.

Don't, don't sleep on that tip there today. So, but to, to let you into the background, that's basically how it happened. I knew that I wanted to move in a. to a private practice because I wanted to be able to serve people outside of an institution. I have so much respect for people who are able to do psychiatric inpatient, so much respect for people who have PHP, um, intensive outpatient, all of those services are freaking awesome.

And I did work on that as well. Part of me wanted to be able to have a little bit more autonomy because I knew from my EAP work that there were a lot of people like me that. You know, hospitalization wasn't something that I took myself up on, but I could have if I had known about the services at times in my life, but more, what do you do when you're getting weller, but you're not really sure still how to cope with like everyday life.

And that's usually the people that I serve. So you can have couples that are struggling, but really want to try to figure out how to dig deeper together. Individuals that are dealing with self esteem, they're dealing with a parent. They're dealing with how do I become a parent? Myself and do that. Well, we're dealing with a lot of everyday life coping stuff and they're just not, and I've definitely over the years better understood ADHD and how it presents because clinically you weren't trained very well and that, to be honest, it was bouncing off the walls and, and that happens, but for females and some males, it's the mind bouncing as we all know better now.

So I love, love serving the neurodiverse community. Um, and I, I try to have a really open and inclusive practice because to me, people, people, regardless of gender and all of that stuff. So, and I just love to be able to help people sort out what they're going through. So, well, I'm obsessed with all of this.

And also I have to ask you, Molly, As someone who, I have a very healthy marriage now, it was not always that way, and I will be so transparent. I have people that look at, and my husband and I be like, Oh, like you guys are so happy. And I don't know if they look at us like this, like this young newlywed couple.

Cause we've only been married yesterday was, uh, two years. We've been together for six years, but. Those first five years were fucking hard, and we did not have the tools we needed, um, until we went and saw a therapist who really helped us sort our shit out. So, I want to know, from your standpoint, Molly, what should people be investing in to make sure they have long lasting, healthy relationships?

I love that question so much. I feel such a debt of gratitude and I'm, I'm a deeply internally spiritual person. For me, it's been just such a blessing this whole path because I freaking did not even know that there were these beautiful Americans and really global people that focused on healthy relationships.

Yeah. Like Juan and Julie Gottman, especially John Gottman. Yes! Oh my gosh, love their work. I had no idea, like how much easier would we all be if we learned about healthy relationships. And again, not really having a frame of reference of my neurodiverse mind, all of a sudden, here we go. I had a list of ways to like, have a better, healthy relationship when I was opened up to, we can learn how to be better and healthier in a relationship in my mind.

And that's where I really pursued like couples. Counseling as a, as a counselor and for myself, because it was like, it was so freeing to say, Oh my gosh, I can learn how to have a healthier marriage, healthier relationship with my parents, with my daughter. You know, it's incredible. So for everybody out there, there's so much research.

There's such these wonderful angel beings on this planet that literally have dedicated their lives to try to figure out how to help us have healthier relationships. And I cannot be more grateful to them for. Pursuing that and to give us tools, books, um, seven principles to making marriage work. That was a good fucking book when we were in the thick of it.

Man, I know, I know. And it's It's bananas. Um, and one of the tools I will, I will continue to say is when you can deal with conflict, when you bring in your morals and values, when you're in deep conflict, you feel so much better. Your whole relationship improves. And when you start engaging, like, what really matters to you, like, let's talk about dreams within conflict.

That sounds a little, Woo. But what they're saying is when you're fighting with your person, you're fighting for something you're fighting to be understood, usually in our world. I didn't understand how you feel in the first place. You're the dream that you can convey something you just don't know what it is.

And your partner's doing that too. And so then they clash with each other and then we go into a power struggle and we go like opposite against each other And so we're trying to figure out how to say how do we stand? Shoulder to shoulder and put the problem over there. Yeah, or the issue or the dream or the conversation Over there so that we can stay bonded but it really requires you to say like who am I who do I want to be?

in this relationship What am I trying to say in both people having the mercy and compassion and love to walk that out with each other and actually practice doing that thing. That's what we probably did not see in our families. Probably didn't. Right. Probably. Right. Which I can imagine is why the divorce rate is so high, which I recently learned that the divorce rate is even higher when you have I've known this for a little while.

When you have ADHD and autism, the divorce rate is even higher, which is why it's even 80%? Yeah. That's why it's just so important that we have these tools. And what I loved about the, the Guttman research is that it's not just like these big ideas, but it gives you very tangible, like what to do in this situation.

And it's not just, I know there's this old saying of, like, don't ever go to bed angry, but the Gottmans are just like, no, sometimes, like, you need to really let your nervous system calm the fuck down before you can come back and have that conversation, and it's like, go to bed angry, wake up a little bit calmer, like, let's not try to fix everything when we're, when we're all frazzled, because here, I thought, well, you know, you don't go to bed angry, and then we're up at fucking two o'clock in the morning arguing each other at that time of the day, mal?

Not at all. Ain't shit happening. And I love, you just said like the magical piece, and I'm so glad you brought that to my fore attention, which is permission. You would not believe the amount of permission we just need. Like when a couple comes in, an individual comes in, but let's just say a couple, like you have permission to make this thing your own.

Like you have. Permission to say you don't have to do it just like your parents did or the opposite. You're rallying against it Yeah, you don't have to do it the way your friends or anybody else But there's something about and I do believe it's because we're bonded social creatures I think it comes the rightest and best and purest place.

I'm not gonna gaslight people Yeah, permission seeking is normal because you give a shit about humanity. So let's be clear That out to really relieve ourselves a little bit about permission seeking, especially with ADHD folks. And yes, let's let's alleviate the shame of like saying it's okay to go to somebody and they say you have permission to move forward with this and then run with it from there.

It's what bonds us. It's what it's what Like, because we care about what other people are going through, to kind of get that permission to move forward in their own special way, it just opens up so many doors for people inside. I recently heard about the term co regulation from actually my coach, who I know she went to school for counseling too, so she's, she's very well versed, but it's the first time I'd heard that term co regulation.

Is that kind of what you're touching on, Molly? Molly. It is a little bit. Co regulation is great whenever you have somebody who is grounded and the other person can help draw from that energy and help you to go to that place. So you'll see it from, from a simpler example is when a parent, not always, shouldn't say that, because parents are working towards their own regulation, when they can stay grounded and their child is having fun.

Uh, you know, a tantrum or an emotional expression that's pretty intense, and the child trusts the parent to be able to help calm themselves down, the parent can help co regulate them. So the permission seeking is more like a, uh, worthiness and a self esteem part, and a self trust act, if you will. But I love, they can definitely go hand in hand, because once you build that trust, you can allow your partner to help you co regulate.

Okay. You have one person that's really grounded, they're not triggered by that event, the other person is, and they can hold on to the safety of that relation, that other person, to pull themselves, and to get grounded. And then other times you won't be triggered, and your partner can look to you to help de escalate themselves.

And so that's where deregulation is. Okay. That makes, that makes complete sense. And thank you. Like my, my audients brain is ADHD brain is very happy with that explanation. Do you, I'm still, I'm super curious with your practice. Do you believe that everyone should get premarital counseling before they decide to get married?

Like what are your thoughts on it? Like who should be getting premarital post marital we'll get into ADHD stuff too, but like, I'm just really, really curious of what your thoughts are. And I love that you're saying that because. the vision of having like a modern day premarital because I didn't go specifically in that training for premarital because a lot of times it is tied specifically to like a church which is it just has a limited scope and it's almost like a checkmark because you used to get like a discount on your marriage license if you did premarital.

No way! That's, that's not really a reason or some Places would require that from their religious whatever compliance. Yeah. So that's a different reason to go to premarital, right? Yeah. The true premarital, let's talk about neurodiversity. Let's talk about grief and trauma when, when your parent dies or when you lose your job or when, not if.

Let's normalize life. The car accident happens and you have to deal with insurance. You have to go sign for your first apartment and y'all don't know the legalese of stuff. You have to sell a car because of whatever or you need to buy a car or you get a promotion. Like the real life stuff that families are going home and being like, Oh my gosh, how do I deal with this thing?

Right. That's the kind of premarital dreams I have. So yeah, those are the kinds of conversations. Let's get into it. How do y'all fight? Instead of saying, we never fight. It's like, okay, but how do you fight? How do you deal with something? Um, let's have those kinds of conversations. So yes, the healthiest relationships are the ones that are willing to say like, okay, let's, Let's let's do this thing.

Let's just get in there. Let's be messy and let's just figure out how to cope and doing it from a premarital in a safe place with a facilitator, a caring human that has the knowledge but also wants to help impart that and empower the couple. Yeah, fantastic. Absolutely. Fantastic. Same thing with parenting classes.

It would be the same thing. Like you going in with the heart of it. Like, how do I talk about it tells me they're having sex? What do I do when they have their period? What do I do when they don't sleep through the night? Like, what do I do? How do I equip equip this person with the skills that we can learn?

And it's very empowering to the neurodiverse person. We love to learn. Usually, we're I'm sure. Um, some people don't, but most people want to learn stuff. Yeah, I was gonna say, every person that I've talked to, you know, I, I'm always talking to ADHD women because that's who, um, that's the, the population I serve, but they're always looking to learn more.

Like we cannot like learn enough because because that dopamine seeking, like stimulation seeking behavior, which can be really cool when you're learning at the speed of light. Um, I think. My fascination with like what creates a healthy relationship came from being in a home that had such a toxic unhealthy relationship and hearing people all the time that were jaded like, you know, the there's a 50 percent divorce, right?

And it's just like, you know, Yeah, but how many people, whenever someone tells me that, it's just like, Oh, I would, I would never get married. There's a 50 percent divorce rate. I'm like, yeah. But is that all the people who've worked their ass off and went to premarital counseling and have read books and have, and are constantly working on it?

No. So I'm just like, it takes, it takes two people that really want it. So I also hate the stigma of divorce because there are I think that we should stigmatize being in a relationship that doesn't serve you more than we should divorce, but also, like you said, if we could just normalize The, the premarital counseling part of it.

I think a lot more people would have healthy, fulfilled relationships because a lot of us didn't come from healthy places. No, I'm so glad you said that there's a, one of my favorite books is called dodging energy vampires by Christiane Northrup, empowering the empath, like, okay, ladies and gentlemen, we need to get our acts together and put up our, you know, deal with our empowerment, you know, from within, which is really, you know, a lot of times we don't like do that.

That was great. You know, poor, poor little empath, you know, and it's dead. Hey, let's take some, let's take, let's take a, let's take a look in the mirror. Right. But what it does is it highly articulates. And I was just reading on attitude mag earlier about the intimate partner violence, because we have a blind spot to linking with people with some personality problems.

Uh, there's a one Uh, person chance that you're going to run into a person with narcissistic traits. So it's actually much more common. So I'm not out here trying to label everybody a narcissist, but the chances for an ADHD female or male, because remember I get both and I see, they're usually hurt by like the same type of personality and they're, it's very, uh, likely it's a very, Likely possibility you'll run into an unhealthy person and so that's another conversation to learn is to say I can actually find green flags and relationships.

I can find patterns of healthy behavior instead of assuming they have a heart as big as mine. Yeah. Because a lot of times we just give benefit of the doubt. Yeah. We want them to feel accepted and welcomed. And again, not everybody, but a lot of times those are some patterns that we'll see. Cause we know how it feels to be on the opposite end of it.

Yes. Yes. And, and you just that judgment. So I try to work on judgment versus like discernment. So really switching that instead of saying you're not welcome here. It's more like saying, let me be aware of the pattern of behaviors because I'm great at pattern recognition. Yeah. Be able to see what a green flag looks like because a lot of times we're not trained to see what a healthy behavior looks like, especially in conflict and conflict.

We know what it might look like when you're all jazzy. But what does it look like whenever there's tension? What does it look like? So does that make sense? That does make sense. Um, what do you say to the person that's listening? Let's say that they are, they're 40 years old, they have three kids and they are just now realizing they've gone down the, you know, the, the rabbit hole of research and they're like, well, fuck, I think I'm married to someone who has a lot of narcissistic traits.

And I mean, I'm curious, what do you say to that person? Yeah, that's, that is a, it's a hell of an awakening. Yeah. So first thing I want to say is congratulations, and I'm so proud of you for seeking. Yeah. Sometimes when we seek, that's why the people, people are scared to go to therapy or coaching. Let's just call it what it is.

They're scared what they're gonna find out. Yeah. Even though intuitively, they've put some patterns together, the knowledge, you mix intuition with like practical knowledge and research. It really does help a neurodiverse person trust themselves more. So let's just blame that. Let's put that together.

That's fine. That's fine. We do not need to hurt ourselves over that. But when you come up to finding the answer is pointing in a direction that's painful. The first thing I want you to do is have compassion because the biggest blind spot we're going to have neurodiverse or not are familial patterns that are Mm hmm.

And there are blind spots and you're not aware of what you got yourself into when you met this person. Mm hmm. So, the first thing is not to go into the shame spiral, it's really to say, Okay, this is pointing me in a direction that doesn't feel good. But I'm also going to have compassion that that's, that's where I'm at.

Because compassion isn't feeling sorry for yourself. It isn't any of that. It's really stating reality. It's being able to say like, I'm recognizing in my, in my mind and what I'm seeing in reality, that this is a thing. So that's really my number one thing. And the other thing is, I would want to give you hope.

There are so many people that are so well skilled and helping you understand what you need to do for your life that's in alignment with your values. And with this information, they have great knowledge, great training, find somebody that you can connect with. And virtually or in person, whatever's most comfortable for you.

You don't have to jump to conclusions. You don't have to figure it all out on your own. You don't have to hide it. The people that have chosen this profession that are healthy, they, it's the biggest privilege they could ever have to hold that you and to help you walk it through. So that those are my, my two is compassion first for yourself.

And then holding the hope that you can find somebody that y'all can help work through what to do next. Yeah. That makes sense. Is it, is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has narcissistic tendencies? My understanding is there is. 100%. Okay. We got to talk about this a little bit more.

I'm sorry. I said that we were going to talk about ADHD soon, but we got it. We got to cover this because I'm just like, tell me everything about it because this is a very real reality for us. That's true. So prevalent or not talking about it directly, if you will. Yeah. And again, the labels, because again, there's difference between narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic traits.

It's the chances of you being with a true sociopath. Mm hmm. True sociopaths are lower. Okay. They're lower. Okay? But the narcissistic traits, absolutely, because you're going to work on yourself. Okay. That's where heart stops, boundaries, for yourself. One thing about boundaries that gets a little bit confusing is like, Well, if you keep yelling at me, then I'm gonna whatever.

That's not really how boundaries work. It's what am I needing to do? This is why intimate self discovery, taking the time to understand your world, and how you want to live your life, and what what you will put up with, what are your hard stops, what are your yeses, those absolutely, absolutely are necessary from our insides.

Because a lot of times we're concentrating on them to help us be okay. And that just can perpetuate the cycle. Um, the other thing is to see if you have a willing spirit. If the person that's presenting with some narcissistic traits, it could be trauma. Could be some other thing that's causing them.

Avoidant attachment can happen sometimes. Anxious attachment can do it. Dysregulated attachment. There's different reasons why. But if you have a partner who's saying I recognize that I'm sabotaging this relationship with my tendencies. I'm willing to go address that. You've got a lot of landing space.

You've got a lot of landing strip for that. You really do. So, but don't suffer alone. Don't try to figure it out all on your own in a vacuum. Yeah, you're, this is going to give so much hope to so many people and that's really, really, really exciting. I'm curious, Molly, when did you find out that you are autistic and ADHD?

Did I read that correctly? That you, that you, you are also autistic and ADHD? Yeah, that's been, um, That's been, I was 42 when I was diagnosed with ADHD. So how's that possible? Because you don't look 42. Now you have great skin. I don't know what it is because I have the last few people I've had on this podcast.

I'm just like, just let me know what, what your dermatologist has given you your skincare regimen. Like I don't wash my face. You don't wash your, okay. Serums? Lotion? Like, nothing? Since I was a kid. It's just too much. Thank, thank goodness for the beauty routine. Uh huh. I can't handle it. I can't cope with all the steps.

Yeah. I can't comply. I can't. And then I get really upset. That's the other part, the AU part that gets upset. It's a big juxtaposition in there. So I just haven't. So, but I've found as I get older, the good part is. And again, bathing and all that fun stuff is absolutely happening, but I don't have a regimen of face washing and all of that.

So there's chemicals in them sometimes. There's, you're taking away your natural oils from your face. Um, just different reasons. So, or that's how I justify it maybe. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Did your mom also look very young for her age? He she did it's more my dad. I would say any gray hair.

He's 80 now probably till he's like 76 So I think it's more him. But yes, I just saying i'm super immature for my age inside, which I love that's my My HD part, I guess it's very, um, impulsive still fun loving and sort of want to be a free spirit. So I know that that comes across quite a bit. Well, it's working for your girlfriend.

So if you're listening, stop washing your face and be fun and impulsive and you will look young like Molly forever. Okay. So, so you, sorry, tell me about when you found out that you're ADHD and Yeah, I was about 42. Okay. I can't remember exactly. It was just, I was really, really struggling with memory fog. I learned about the Amen Clinics, probably, and that's how we talked with your husband.

I believe he had The scans? Yeah, he did have the scans. And I know there's a lot of controversy around Dr. Amen, but I will say in our position that it was very helpful to get the brain scan. And I mean, thank God he had 100 percent recovery because he was a shell of his, of his self when we were in that position.

Excuse me, when we were in that position. Yeah. And I got, there was something that was intriguing and I agree with you, especially as far as ADHD goes, but other than that, like, I And again, yeah, everybody empower yourself to make sure you're following people that are in alignment with your values. Yeah, sure.

But for me, the, the, the knowledge that I was hearing, I was like, me seeking. And so I finally got a diagnosis and I started on stimulant meds, and I'd never, I'd never Had my brain be quiet and it kind of scared me to be honest. I was one of those people, like I couldn't, I'm used to holding everything right here.

Yep. So when it happened, I was like, Oh my gosh, I don't, I don't know anything. It kind of freaked me out. And then I had the despair cycle a little bit of just like, what a mess I've made in certain areas. And then just sort of dealing with all of that. So, um, That's where I got diagnosed, but it really didn't even come from my clinical knowledge, which is really interesting.

It was getting, it was the misunderstood part. It was my spiritual journey of misunderstood. I'm an Enneagram four. And so I was understanding the misunderstood part, but I couldn't really find people in a community that Really were like me to be honest, and I went online and I saw ADHD for smart ass women Yeah, and the HD tales of a superhero my some absent minded superhero And I was like, oh my wow I like that, you know, I get these people they get more like they're speaking stuff that I've never spoken So yeah that happened and then I got my brain scanned when I was 46 And I found out the PTSD, anxiety, depression stuff never abated was fundamental from ADHD and autism.

So that's where it kind of all came together and I didn't really understand. My dad is definitely autism level one. Mm hmm. And so I, and my mom was definitely more of the ADHD hyperactive. So it makes sense now, but my clinical stuff was, I was almost like it was a different part of me. It just, it just, I was so focused on clients.

I didn't really integrate that for myself. Yeah. Sense at all. So it's, it's newer, it's newer. It's definitely in the last couple of years that I've understood how they fight with each other inside. And boy, do they fucking fight. Your ADHD side of you is wanting spontaneity all the time. The autistic side of you is like, listen, if we do one more spontaneous thing, we're going to shut the fuck down and we're not going to be able to do a damn thing.

And it's like a constant push and pull. I didn't know that I was autistic until, I don't know if it was a little over a year ago. Time is so hard when you have ADHD, but it definitely wasn't two years ago. And I talked to my therapist. I'm just like, I'm like, you know, I suspect I have autism, but I'm feeling kind of like a fraud saying it.

What is your, what is your, um, what are your thoughts on it? And she gave me this laundry list of reasons why she thinks that if I were to go get formally diagnosed, I would get the formal diagnosis. I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to call it what it is. I'm autistic. I like kind of like a poster child for autism and women.

Um, I'm curious, how does, how does the autism present for you? Are you also someone that's like, will struggle to understand what someone actually means intuitively, needing them to say it straightforward? Like, I'm really curious how the autism part presents for you specifically. Mine's more the deep, the sensory.

Part, the motion regulation, motion dysregulation part, which can be both. Um, but mine is hyper, the compliance and the legalistic rules part. Um, and I'm certain I don't read the room, like all the politics and corporate. Like I really have always thought if I work hard enough, I will, they will see me and I will, and I struggle with it in my own business.

If they see me, they will come or whatever they will promote, they will, they will you, your value, my value is. In accordance to what you value, not what I value. I can say I value this, but if you don't value it, there's no value. Anyway, circular conversation, right? Yeah. So this is what I do. But, um, I've recently found out how much the networking and mentorship and those kinds of connections really get people further along in society.

And I don't really want to be like that. So, um, I do struggle with that. I still want to try to find the right answer. I get really, I still, I'm, I. I fight with that every day, uh, to be honest. And I lose the fight a lot because I still, my brain still is trying to drill into the right yes, right answer. Does that make sense?

It makes complete sense. It makes complete sense, but also just like, fuck it, just fucking do it. I mean, just go like, stop being so weird. And just go, and I. But there's going to be a catch. It's like there's a catch. Yeah, that makes complete sense. And I don't know if you also feel this way. It's really hard when like you're in an organization and you can see that they are very simple things that they could implement that could just fix so many problems, but you don't have the title to fix all the problems.

At least that's what I experienced at the, at the last, I worked at a nursing home and I just, there were some things that were just fucking heartbreaking that I was seeing happening to our elderly, elderly population. And the administrator wanted to hear nothing about it. And it was a Tuesday. I won't forget texting my boss after I said, I'll see you Monday.

I'm taking the rest of the week off. Like you don't get an option. Either you're going to lose an OT or I'm taking the rest of the week off. And then soon after that, I put in my resignation. I just couldn't, I, it was so hard. It's also really hard. The social injustices. Do you also have a heart? Hard time with that percent, 1 trillion percent.

That's, yes, that's, and with the clinical training, it's, I mean, we go towards social injustice as a profession. I also didn't realize it could be a special interest. Yeah, human behavior and murder shows. Yes. Trying to understand why the deep, deep, deep, why And the connectedness and the despair. So I do, I have some skills to help me with, they call it compassion, fatigue, or burnout.

Yes. Yeah. I mean, last week I just let myself just cry over the despair. I can feel something's terribly wrong. And I just, my heart aches for humanity, even though I know there's so much good going on, the people that are really hurting on this planet fucking brutal. It's not just like, You stubbed your toe or you lost, you know, just overcomable things.

These are just like disgustingly difficult earth bound horrors. Yeah. Sorry guys, if I got a little aggressive there, but it's just, it's there. Yes. So I work on existential stuff quite a bit, quite a bit. Yes. I mean, that leads right into what I wanted to ask you is you are a clinical mental health therapist.

There are people coming to you at the. The pit of despair they are bringing in all of this terribleness that is happening in the world you as And autistic and ADHD professional, how do you deal with that in daily life on top of being a mom? Like you have a very highly demanding life. And I know I personally have to limit the number of clients that I see, and I'm not even getting the trauma side of it.

A lot of times that at least not as deep as you are. Yeah. And I'm just curious how. you manage it and still love your career despite all of it? Um, I would call it one of them is being a multi passionate. So I have my clinical practice, but I also get to do a little bit of coaching and business coaching.

So it gives a little bit more of like the strategy and sort of the, the funness of the creation side. Yeah. I will tell you, like, to me, like, it sounds dramatic, but it's the truth. I'm I'm equipped for it for one thing, but also it's like the privilege of my life that someone would come into that room and freaking bare their soul and like, freaking trust me to be there with them and just open up.

Like I could not do that when I was in therapy. I was like, screw this. Like I left like four or five times because I was like. No, no, no. Because how are they going to come back to get me? Or what are they going to hear that's like the thing that is irrevocable or unfixable or whatever. There's a lot of mindfuckery.

So when these courageous people pick up the phone, come into my office. And freaking tell me stuff. Yeah, I just I it's such a privilege. That's the only way it's inner It's energizing if you will not that people are having the pain But that they're willing to do the things that help mitigate through it if that makes sense Yeah, it does because seeing your clients make progress in their life is so addicting like that's the ultimate I feel like it's when they come in and they say like, you know, my life has changed in X, Y, Z ways.

And I never thought it could be this. And all of a sudden it is like, that is the coolest feeling on the planet. Yeah, it is. And it's, it's something about just, I mean, I get to see courage. I would call it all more than addicting, just all for me, just spellbound. Um, just so humbled. So grateful and, and that comes from the genuine places of my heart for sure.

So, and then you say like, here's some strategies and here's some this, and here's what the research says, the educating clients, I love to empower clients, you know, but then they go do it and you're like, holy shit, man. Yeah. PDA will kick in. I'll be like, thank you. And then I'll just sit here and do the same thing, you know?

So it's. When people do, they're like, okay, you trust. And then you go do the thing and you get this result. And then like, that's, that's, that's amazing. You are an amazing teacher to me that you can do that to me. So that's spellbounding to me. Does that make sense? That makes complete sense. And like it's, it is such a humbling experience.

I find myself, I don't know. Tell me if you ever experienced this, but it's like when you have a client that is doing so well, it's like part of you wants to be like, okay, like I am good at what I'm doing. But then the other part of me is like, but they did all the work, like, and then imposter syndrome hits in.

It's just like, well, what did you really do other than hold space for them? Do you, do you experience that still, you know, after doing this for, you know, well over a decade? No. In fact, I mean, I think that's part of the clinical training, which is great. I, I'm always complimenting my clients about it because, and they don't want to take it because they're like, thank you so much for what you did for me.

And I'm like, I didn't do shit, man, you, you, you did it. And they don't want to receive that. They don't, and they're like, okay, we, I'm like, okay, we, but I, I just. I, my big thing is if you could see yourself through my eyes, like, because that's truly how I feel like you have no idea the bad ass rate that you are doing in this room every week to come tackle this stuff.

Like it's, it's so powerful. For me, um, now when I get into like, just overall, like if I've had some hospitalizations and, or a couple if they divorce or whatever, I, I do say like, what, what did I not bring to the table? Or was there anything I left on, didn't leave on the map for them? Um, and I try to regulate through not taking it on myself, but also continuous improvement.

Is there anything I could have done to help them? avoid hospitalization or is there, how can I coach them through while they're there, how do I help empower them with their care team right now or whatever, give them the tools at this point. But yeah, when people are in just like deep despair, you know, yeah, sometimes just collectively I'll have that just.

I'm just so sorry that the world is hurting so bad kind of thing. That's more how it would hit me then. Like, you know, that's, that's how it hits me. Yeah. That makes, that makes complete sense. And I've seen through some of your posts, you're very much a. Faith based person. I'm curious of how that intertwines into, if it does intertwine into your practice, when you're feeling rejection, sensitivity, imposter syndrome, like all of those things that we feel is as ADHD people, how does faith intertwine into your life, into your career, all of that fun stuff?

Yeah. So for, I call myself the prodigal Mary. So, So, um, but not one of those. I don't know. It's kind of it's just more of a spiritual intimacy with Christ over like a religious. Compliance thing. Uh huh. Um, I had to work through a lot of that. I was raised in the church, but I had a lot of religious trauma and I didn't really know how to navigate that.

I didn't even know that was a thing. So in my own personal journey, I, I've broken away so many of those layers so it can be just between Like that's, that's my little team in there. So yeah, figure things out together. So, um, but it's because I was in so much despair through my twenties. I dealt with, um, alcohol overuse cause I couldn't sleep.

And then I didn't know about RSD and I didn't know about college and high achieving and then falling apart with burnout, drinking a lot and being very self destructive, um, yet high achieve. And so you're like, Oh, you're doing great. You can have all this alcohol and cause all these problems for yourself, but since you're considered masking, performing well, you're fine.

Right. It's normal. It's just part of the past or whatever. I was having a deep, um, despair separation from anything spiritual and a strong rejecting season through my twenties. And then in my thirties, I started, um, softening a little bit, softening my heart again. And. Seeking and part of that's probably the clinical.

I look at them as like parallel paths about how you can deal with the journey Because I wasn't directly facing it But I was learning that you're a whole person and if there's part of you that's in pain It will inform the other parts too. So probably through my 30s. I started getting more curious about how to do that for me.

Um, but I will say with my clients, it's hyper respect for what they need. So if they're atheists, I work with atheists, I work with agnostics, I work with, um, other, uh, religious traditions. I have so much respect for wherever you are and however you're called to be on the planet. That is not something I'm going to ever like impose on a person.

It's on my intake forms to make sure that I honor. If spirituality is not something you're even interested in addressing, I'm not going to talk to you about the biopsychosocial spiritual because that's antagonistic. If you've decided that's where you are, I'm not going to say, well, you know, you really should address, you know, Yeah.

This is me separate from other people. So, so for me, it's really important for me to stay well for my emotion regulation for felt presence. I have sensory processing and auditory processing, so I can do a lot of internal world fun stuff. Funner than being out there. So I have a lot of very rich internal spiritual experience, which I'm grateful for because this, this used to be a landmine and very unhealthy inside.

But that's been my, my growth journey to be able to really take care of myself in that way. And it's been a game changer for me personally. So, but as far as in my clinical practice or coaching or any, any other conversation, I've been to the person that, um, that presents whatever will help them. I I love all of this and I feel like call it the universe call it god call it whatever the fuck you want But i've had some people in my life Recently, they're just like they are just like, okay.

I am a christian and I am Also growing up with like religious trauma and people that say that they're Christians and act in very downright harmful ways to other humans. Yeah. Um, now I'm coming into contact with people that are very kind, very loving, like just altruistic humans, like yourself, and finding out that there's a lot of people that are like, They, they'll put a label on it, but it doesn't mean all the shit that maybe you put the label with when you were a kid.

So I really love having these conversations, uh, selfishly for my own personal growth too, to just see like, yes, you can identify as a Christian. I was just talking about this with my husband yesterday. It's like, If as christians we would literally look at what christ said is just be kind to others and that was what we And that was what we did, which is what I try to do with everybody, you know, uh, You know christ said whatever and she's like what a really great fucking world that would be You're right, like if we just fucking loved everyone well And in true ADHD fashion, we got to talk about a lot of topics really deeply being, I don't know how to do anything surface level.

And I'm going to take a wild guess that you don't either Molly. Yeah. Where is the surface? Like we fucking got rid of that surface a long time ago. Um, Molly, for those who are thinking, okay, I need to contact Molly for, for therapy, for coaching. You are, you practice, uh, your, your, uh, therapy practices out of Georgia.

Is that where you're licensed? That's right. I'm licensed in Georgia. So it's really important for the, for the clinical practice of counseling, um, Georgia, and that will be with diagnostic criteria, so on and so forth. That will be residents only. I'm looking at expanding to some other states, but that's not current.

So, As of the recording here, that's where I am. Um, coaching though, um, if you look at some relationship coaching, premarital coaching, parenting coaching, um, some, you know, learning about how to deal with some of the other aspects of ADHD, uh, sensory processing, emotion regulation, uh, time blindness, all those fun things.

So where we can empower ourselves in that way. That's more international focus so that can be from anywhere and I actually have my own coaching method called the AIM method. So we get done with the singular stuff and I just got my workbook done. I literally, thank you Annie, she helped me get it done and so I'm excited to start showing that.

Um, it's a lot, it's 80 pages of exercises plus my own method. To help you kind of, um, with stuff internally. So, um, yeah, so that's, uh, that's where I'm at. So those are the two different, um, aspects that I'm offering. I love it. And everyone that's listening is going to be like, okay, I need more, more of Molly in my life.

So where do they go to find you, whether it's therapy or coaching? Yeah, mostly, um, Molly Ashmore Pruitt with the little blue checkmark on Facebook. That was, is where I would, that's where I just think and I write and I don't AI anything yet. I do like AI. It's kind of fun a little bit. So I'm like write a poem but Pictures.

It's just so rich inside a, I can't quite get it. Right. So true. Right. But, um, so I just write and I put stuff out there. So you'll see pictures of my pets. Um, you'll see my daughter and me, you'll see my husband, you'll see, I put everything kind of right there. Um, so that's the bestest way I'm working on updating a website.

Aren't we always doing something? Update a thing about something, but yes, that'll be the awesomest place to find me. And if you do DM me, um, just say like, I heard about you on Jamie's show. And then that way I can make sure to connect with you right away. Oh, you're so sweet. And I will make sure to link that in the show notes to make it as ADHD friendly as possible.

So they don't have to even go search. And all I have to do is go to the show notes. So much simple sales funnels. Y'all let me know. By the way, like that was magic. So thank you so much. You love this. Sorry. I missed that zoom kind of like all the setup like everything you had like this magical.

I try to do everything is ADHD friendly as possible. I'm just like listen, the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we're going to remember. No, the fuck you won't. I know I could be sitting here at 1230 and being like, hmm, I mean like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, right? Yeah. Yep. Molly, thank you so much for being on the show.

You've been an absolute treat and I really appreciate you volunteering your time and sharing so much wisdom with everybody who listens. I super duper appreciate you. Yeah. I'm so grateful for your whole audience and for you to pick me out of a crowd and that you like my, my content means the world to me.

So thank you so much for seeing me for, for who I am and who I want to be. So I really appreciate that. You're so welcome. All right, my friends until next time. Bye.

 Are you a high achieving woman with ADHD looking for a coach or maybe an event coordinator looking for a wildly captivating speaker? Perfect. Go to outsmartadhd. co that's outsmartadhd. co to get in touch. And before I forget, would you mind taking a minute to share this podcast with someone you love? It would mean the world to me.

Thanks my friend. Until next time.