Neurodivergent Burnout versus Depression: Understanding the Differences

[00:00:00] Jamie Cutino: You're.
[00:00:00] Jamie Cutino: Hello, gorgeous humans.
[00:00:02] Jamie Cutino: Welcome to episode three.
[00:00:04] Jamie Cutino: I'm just so proud of myself for sticking through with this.
[00:00:07] Jamie Cutino: I don't know if you're feeling that way, but I'm just so proud of myself for being here.
[00:00:14] Jamie Cutino: It's really important to me that I'm able to get this advocacy information out to every woman with ADHD possible, despite socioeconomic status, despite resources or lack of, because I was that person that had a lack of resources for most of my life.
[00:00:31] Jamie Cutino: So I'm just happy to be here and to be sharing this with you.
[00:00:35] Jamie Cutino: I'm just here listen, I'm just here healing my own inner child, telling you everything I wish I knew a long time ago, okay?
[00:00:45] Jamie Cutino: And also, I'm going to be uploading these videos to YouTube.
[00:00:50] Jamie Cutino: And it's really funny because when I was starting this podcast, I will admit that I took longer to record the first episode because I was thinking, okay, I want this to be what's the best word?
[00:01:09] Jamie Cutino: Everyone has different learning styles, and I want it to be accessible to everybody.
[00:01:14] Jamie Cutino: Not everybody learns very well with audio.
[00:01:16] Jamie Cutino: Sometimes they need those subtitles.
[00:01:19] Jamie Cutino: And YouTube is amazing and automatically puts those subtitles.
[00:01:22] Jamie Cutino: I think I'm almost certain that they do.
[00:01:25] Jamie Cutino: And I was thinking, well, gosh, I'm going to look like shit every time that I record because 99.97% of the time, this is what I look like.
[00:01:37] Jamie Cutino: I mean, I honestly put this llama shirt on today so that I would look a little bit more put together than maybe showing up when I slept in last night.
[00:01:45] Jamie Cutino: Wouldn't be able to do that.
[00:01:46] Jamie Cutino: I sleep naked.
[00:01:47] Jamie Cutino: But anyway, I was just thinking, I'm not going to be able to upload it to YouTube because I always look like this, just hairs thrown up in a bun.
[00:02:00] Jamie Cutino: And then I thought, Elise Myers, if I ever have the great privilege of you listening to this podcast, that'd be a dream come true.
[00:02:08] Jamie Cutino: But I was honestly thinking of Elise Myers.
[00:02:10] Jamie Cutino: She just shows up as she is, and everybody loves her because she's so authentic.
[00:02:14] Jamie Cutino: Now.
[00:02:14] Jamie Cutino: I know Elise Myers.
[00:02:15] Jamie Cutino: I know that.
[00:02:16] Jamie Cutino: But honestly, that made me think, why the fuck am I trying to put on makeup and make myself look like a different person than who I am?
[00:02:25] Jamie Cutino: So here I am, breaking down those own mental barriers.
[00:02:27] Jamie Cutino: Okay?
[00:02:28] Jamie Cutino: Thank you for listening to my two and a half minutes of just being happy to be here today.
[00:02:33] Jamie Cutino: I'm talking about neurodivergent burnout versus depression, okay?
[00:02:39] Jamie Cutino: And there's a lot of people that are listening right now who have been diagnosed with depression when it was really ADHD.
[00:02:46] Jamie Cutino: And there's also people who have ADHD and depression.
[00:02:52] Jamie Cutino: There's also people here that have ADHD, autism and depression, or they think that they have ADHD and depression.
[00:03:01] Jamie Cutino: Turns out they're also autistic.
[00:03:02] Jamie Cutino: So let's break some of this down of what neurodivergent burnout looks like and what depression looks like and what causes it.
[00:03:13] Jamie Cutino: Because fun fact, they look very similar, but the root causes are incredibly different.
[00:03:19] Understanding Depression and its Overlap with Neurodivergence

[00:03:19] Jamie Cutino: So let's talk about depression first.
[00:03:22] Jamie Cutino: Depression.
[00:03:23] Jamie Cutino: What does that look like?
[00:03:25] Jamie Cutino: Not being motivated to engage in really any meaningful tasks.
[00:03:30] Jamie Cutino: Maybe moving slower, talking slower, and oftentimes caused by either your genetic makeup, your brain, which is why there's medication for depression, because a lot of times when that gets balanced out, we feel better.
[00:03:46] Jamie Cutino: But it can also be triggered by really stressful life events, such as a divorce, somebody passing a breakup, grieving, something big and traumatic causing depression.
[00:04:00] Jamie Cutino: Now, like I mentioned, depression oftentimes looks like neurodivergent burnout.
[00:04:07] Jamie Cutino: If you are new to this podcast, when I say neurodivergent, I am talking about people who have ADHD, but there's often a lot of crossover with autism.
[00:04:18] Jamie Cutino: Fun fact, I have ADHD and autism, and there's a lot of people here that likely have autism as well and just don't know it.
[00:04:25] Jamie Cutino: But that's okay.
[00:04:25] Jamie Cutino: I can't diagnose you.
[00:04:27] Jamie Cutino: I wish I could.
[00:04:28] Jamie Cutino: Am I going to go back to school and become a medical doctor?
[00:04:31] Jamie Cutino: Absolutely not.
[00:04:31] Jamie Cutino: But I will tell you what to look out for.
[00:04:33] Understanding and Overcoming Neurodivergent Burnout

[00:04:33] Jamie Cutino: Okay, so anyway, neurodivergent burnout.
[00:04:36] Jamie Cutino: For those of us who are ADHD and or autistic, this can look like not being able to process your thoughts completely, feeling like you're a completely different person.
[00:04:52] Jamie Cutino: It can cause very dark thoughts, just like depression causes very dark thoughts.
[00:05:01] Jamie Cutino: You can feel like you're constantly overstimulated.
[00:05:05] Jamie Cutino: Sometimes it'll cause your eye to twitch or just feeling like you can't get enough rest in the world.
[00:05:13] Jamie Cutino: You're chronically exhausted.
[00:05:15] Jamie Cutino: If you find yourself saying, I'm just so overwhelmed.
[00:05:17] Jamie Cutino: I'm just so overwhelmed.
[00:05:18] Jamie Cutino: Everything is just so overwhelming.
[00:05:20] Jamie Cutino: You may be in neurodivergent burnout.
[00:05:23] Jamie Cutino: Okay, what this is caused from is very different than depression.
[00:05:30] Jamie Cutino: Those of us that are neurodivergent have different sensory needs than those who have a typical brain.
[00:05:37] Jamie Cutino: When I say typical brain, I'm referring to what you would think of as a normal brain.
[00:05:44] Jamie Cutino: Okay, so those of us with a neurodivergent brain, we have very different sensory needs.
[00:05:49] Jamie Cutino: Sensory needs being how much alone time you need, how much time you need, engaging in that thing that lights you up to feel like life is worth fucking living.
[00:06:01] Jamie Cutino: That is very different.
[00:06:03] Jamie Cutino: So what causes neurodivergent burnout?
[00:06:05] Jamie Cutino: Well, for one, saying yes to everybody but yourself.
[00:06:09] Jamie Cutino: What does this look like?
[00:06:11] Jamie Cutino: This looks like it's a Saturday, and your Aunt Kathy decided to take the kids today.
[00:06:18] Jamie Cutino: God bless Aunt Cathy.
[00:06:20] Jamie Cutino: Love her.
[00:06:21] Jamie Cutino: And you finally got a couple of hours to yourself.
[00:06:24] Jamie Cutino: Holy shit.
[00:06:24] Jamie Cutino: This never happens.
[00:06:27] Jamie Cutino: Then your sister calls, hey, do you want to hang out?
[00:06:32] Jamie Cutino: I was thinking we could go to the mall.
[00:06:35] Jamie Cutino: Do people go to the mall anymore?
[00:06:38] Jamie Cutino: I was thinking we could go to the mall.
[00:06:40] Jamie Cutino: Or maybe she wants to go and get pedicures.
[00:06:43] Jamie Cutino: Or maybe she wants you to just accompany her on her errands for the day.
[00:06:49] Jamie Cutino: She loves you.
[00:06:50] Jamie Cutino: You guys are really close, but you're burnt the fuck out.
[00:06:54] Jamie Cutino: And you really were looking forward to those couple hours to watch trash TV and eat your favorite snacks and be alone and feel like a human again.
[00:07:05] Jamie Cutino: But instead of saying yes to yourself, you say yes to your sister because you don't want to upset her.
[00:07:12] Jamie Cutino: So neurodivergent burnout can be caused from not having enough alone time and not engaging enough in activities that really make you excited.
[00:07:20] Jamie Cutino: Those of us that are neurodivergent, oftentimes we'll have a hyper focus.
[00:07:25] Jamie Cutino: A hyper focus or a hobby or something that we're really interested in learning more about or engaging in, like our hobbies that we pick up for literally 0.7 seconds and then find a new hobby that's going to be for another episode.
[00:07:42] Jamie Cutino: But we oftentimes have things that we are really excited about, learning more about or doing more of that we don't have enough time for.
[00:07:50] Jamie Cutino: And the reason we don't have enough time for it is life in itself, especially those of you who have kiddos.
[00:07:57] Jamie Cutino: I do not have human babies.
[00:08:01] Jamie Cutino: My babies bark and they have four paws.
[00:08:03] Jamie Cutino: And the reason for that is because I become overwhelmed very quickly and I have a strong need for autonomy.
[00:08:09] Jamie Cutino: And I know that so many of you listening to this have a very similar brain to me, but also have kiddos.
[00:08:16] Jamie Cutino: And that in itself can cause you to feel burnt out especially.
[00:08:21] Jamie Cutino: I assume a lot of you listening are the moms and hold most of the you're the primary caregivers.
[00:08:31] Jamie Cutino: Okay?
[00:08:32] Jamie Cutino: A lot of you are not in every situation.
[00:08:34] Jamie Cutino: A lot of you are the primary caregivers.
[00:08:36] Jamie Cutino: You are answering to your kids every Beck in call.
[00:08:40] Jamie Cutino: Your life revolves around theirs.
[00:08:42] Jamie Cutino: They're tiny humans that need you to survive.
[00:08:44] Jamie Cutino: And because you're a mom that cares about your humans, you tend to their needs.
[00:08:50] Jamie Cutino: So burnout can be caused by simply having to answer to someone else's needs 100% of the time and not having time to engage in your own enjoyed activities, your own enjoyed hobbies, having enough fucking rest.
[00:09:06] Jamie Cutino: And that's another thing that can cause burnout, is just simply not having enough rest.
[00:09:13] Jamie Cutino: Now, this is where depression and neurodivergent burnout is very different.
[00:09:17] Jamie Cutino: Because depression.
[00:09:19] Jamie Cutino: If you go to a mental health therapist and tell them that you are depressed, what they're likely going to do is help you to reengage in activities that you enjoy doing or that you find meaningful, or that you get a feeling of accomplishment from okay.
[00:09:36] Jamie Cutino: This doesn't work as well when you have ADHD or autism, unless that is tailored to you specifically.
[00:09:43] Jamie Cutino: Okay, so what this could look like, instead of, oh, do a couple of dishes, you'll feel better about it.
[00:09:49] Jamie Cutino: This could be, hey, what's your current hyper focus?
[00:09:52] Jamie Cutino: Mine right now is refinishing old furniture.
[00:09:55] Jamie Cutino: Have I actually completed the task yet?
[00:09:57] Jamie Cutino: No, but I'm having one hell of a good time going down TikTok rabbit holes looking up stuff so that could look like going on TikTok and looking at refinishing furniture videos.
[00:10:08] Jamie Cutino: It can look like going on Pinterest.
[00:10:11] Jamie Cutino: It can look like maybe going on Facebook Marketplace and finding some free dressers and picking them up and painting the damn thing, okay?
[00:10:24] Jamie Cutino: That's only after you've had enough rest to actually engage in those activities.
[00:10:29] Jamie Cutino: So that's how it's different from depression.
[00:10:31] Jamie Cutino: It's not just engaging in something that's meaningful and that you feel a sense of accomplishment.
[00:10:36] Jamie Cutino: It's something that actually brings you joy, okay?
[00:10:39] Jamie Cutino: Because the last thing you want to do when you're in that neurodivergent burnout is to add more things to your plate that are really, really not enjoyable.
[00:10:46] Jamie Cutino: They don't bring any dopamine that happy, feel good hormone, and it just feels like a slog.
[00:10:51] Jamie Cutino: That's a really good way to make yourself even more burnt out, which is why those of you who have kiddos, who are the primary caregivers that spend most of your time at home probably feel burnt out a lot because you have to do those things even when you are feeling like you desperately need a break.
[00:11:12] Jamie Cutino: So I want to first say that this podcast, if you're listening to this, saying, why the fuck am I going to listen to this 28 year old who doesn't have any children totally understand that perspective.
[00:11:25] Jamie Cutino: And I want to say that I empathize.
[00:11:27] Jamie Cutino: I cannot say what it's like to have human babies.
[00:11:30] Jamie Cutino: I cannot say what it's like to be the primary caregiver because I have not done that since I was in high school and my mom had physical disability.
[00:11:40] Jamie Cutino: So I was at that time, but I haven't been in ten years, so I don't know what that feeling is like or I haven't in a long time.
[00:11:48] Jamie Cutino: And I just want to say that first, I empathize.
[00:11:51] Jamie Cutino: And this podcast is meant to give you ideas of ways to overcome these challenges and 100% accepting the fact that I am not living that life with you.
[00:12:00] Jamie Cutino: Okay?
[00:12:00] Jamie Cutino: And I know that there's never going to be a perfect scenario, but I will always give you ideas that hopefully, no matter what your accessibility is to help and to resources, you're able to use something from this and make life a little bit easier, okay?
[00:12:19] Handling Overwhelm As a Caregiver

[00:12:19] Jamie Cutino: If you have kiddos, if you are a primary caregiver and life just feels really fucking overwhelming, ideas could be literally I know that a lot of you and I know this from coaching moms feel immense guilt when your kid engages in screen time.
[00:12:37] Jamie Cutino: Mom, I'm going to tell you mama's out there.
[00:12:41] Jamie Cutino: It's really okay that your kid is on their iPad for 4 hours so that if they're old enough to where you can safely take a nap or so that you can scroll on TikTok or so that you can just lay in your bed and rest.
[00:12:58] Jamie Cutino: It's really okay.
[00:12:59] Jamie Cutino: If they want to cuddle up next to you and watch a movie and you fall asleep with your arms around them, it's really okay.
[00:13:06] Jamie Cutino: Screen time is not going to kill your children.
[00:13:09] Jamie Cutino: You know what is more harmful than screen time?
[00:13:11] Jamie Cutino: Having a mom that is so overwhelmed that she cannot take care of herself, let alone anybody else.
[00:13:18] Jamie Cutino: I can guarantee that your kiddos do not want you to feel that way.
[00:13:21] Jamie Cutino: And I will tell you that as somebody who grew up with a mom that was disabled physically and also was neurodivergent, she also had ADHD that I remember growing up.
[00:13:35] Jamie Cutino: And there were times, well, actually there was a long stretch of time where she needed several hours to just lay on the couch and nap and relax because she was in chronic pain.
[00:13:46] Jamie Cutino: And I don't think of those times when I think of her, I think of the amazing things that she did with us.
[00:13:51] Jamie Cutino: I think of the parades she took us to, the parks she took us to.
[00:13:56] Jamie Cutino: We didn't really have much money, so we did a lot of free things.
[00:13:59] Jamie Cutino: I remember her taking me to the beach because I grew up in Michigan, of course, the Great Lakes.
[00:14:04] Jamie Cutino: Those are the things that I remember.
[00:14:06] Jamie Cutino: I watched a lot of TV as a kid.
[00:14:08] Jamie Cutino: It didn't kill me.
[00:14:11] Jamie Cutino: And I promise that if you need your kids to have some screen time so that you can have a break, it's okay.
[00:14:18] Jamie Cutino: It is okay.
[00:14:20] Jamie Cutino: Take some time for yourself.
[00:14:22] Jamie Cutino: If there is somebody who will take your kids off of your hands for a couple of hours so that you can do absolutely nothing, take advantage of it.
[00:14:31] Jamie Cutino: Not take advantage.
[00:14:32] Jamie Cutino: Just accept the help.
[00:14:34] Jamie Cutino: Because it's so hard for us who have had to lean on just ourselves for so long to just accept that fucking help.
[00:14:42] Understanding and Dealing with Neurodivergent Burnout

[00:14:42] Jamie Cutino: Oh, I had something else on my mind.
[00:14:44] Jamie Cutino: I can't think of it at the moment.
[00:14:45] Jamie Cutino: Hopefully it comes back before the end of this podcast.
[00:14:48] Jamie Cutino: But these are the things that you really, really desperately need.
[00:14:53] Jamie Cutino: If you are in neurodivergent burnout, you need rest.
[00:14:57] Jamie Cutino: You need alone time, and you need time once you've had that rest and alone time to engage in the things that make you excited, okay?
[00:15:06] Jamie Cutino: And that's where it's different from depression.
[00:15:09] Jamie Cutino: Now, neurodivergent burnout can take a long, long, long time to heal.
[00:15:13] Jamie Cutino: Studies show that could be anywhere from days, weeks, months, even into the years.
[00:15:18] Jamie Cutino: But you will start to feel better.
[00:15:22] Jamie Cutino: You will feel exponentially better really soon after you're able to start taking care of your energetic needs and your sensory needs.
[00:15:31] Jamie Cutino: Okay?
[00:15:32] Jamie Cutino: I hope that this was helpful to you.
[00:15:35] Jamie Cutino: I am so happy that you are here to better yourself.
[00:15:38] Jamie Cutino: I'm very proud of you.
[00:15:39] Jamie Cutino: I hope that these short form podcasts are helping you to get a lot of information in a short time.
[00:15:43] Jamie Cutino: I hope that I'm talking fast enough to where you don't even have to put it on 1.5 speed, but even if you do that's.
[00:15:48] Jamie Cutino: Okay?
[00:15:51] Jamie Cutino: Please like subscribe.
[00:15:53] Jamie Cutino: Share this Podcast I do this as an act of love.
[00:15:57] Jamie Cutino: My goal is to be able to reach every woman with ADHD on this planet, to be able to create the resources that you so desperately need, but likely did not have growing up.
[00:16:07] Jamie Cutino: Okay, my friends.
[00:16:08] Jamie Cutino: And if you enjoyed this podcast, you'll probably enjoy our private community of amazing women with ADHD, where we all body double and help each other get shit done.
[00:16:20] Jamie Cutino: If you want to learn more about that, you should probably go to the Show Notes.
[00:16:23] Jamie Cutino: It's a really fun time.
[00:16:25] Jamie Cutino: Okay?
[00:16:26] Jamie Cutino: Body doubling is the greatest hack for ADHD because it uses people pleasing as a way to help you to get shit done.
[00:16:34] Jamie Cutino: But if you're in burnout, don't feel like you have to do that.
[00:16:42] Jamie Cutino: It's also a place where we just hang out and encourage each other and you don't need to be getting things done while you're there.
[00:16:47] Jamie Cutino: It is another resource for you.
[00:16:49] Jamie Cutino: It is a community that is off of social media and we are always here to give you a big hug and listen to you and encourage you.
[00:16:57] Jamie Cutino: Okay, my friends, that was episode three.
[00:17:00] Jamie Cutino: I'm so excited for next week.
[00:17:02] Jamie Cutino: And if you are not already in the Facebook group, the private Facebook group, for those of us who are women with ADHD, please join.
[00:17:10] Jamie Cutino: The link will be in the Show Notes.
[00:17:12] Jamie Cutino: It is absolutely 100% free and I will be accepting I'm currently accepting topics for upcoming podcasts.
[00:17:20] Jamie Cutino: So why aren't you in it?
[00:17:22] Jamie Cutino: Are you in it yet?
[00:17:23] Jamie Cutino: Are you in it now?
[00:17:25] Jamie Cutino: How about now?
[00:17:26] Jamie Cutino: When you stop the car, will you please go into the group?
[00:17:29] Jamie Cutino: Okay, great.
[00:17:30] Jamie Cutino: Okay, fantastic.
[00:17:31] Jamie Cutino: I love that.
[00:17:32] Jamie Cutino: I love that journey for you.
[00:17:33] Jamie Cutino: Okay, my friend, I will see you on episode four and I will talk to you very soon.
[00:17:38] Jamie Cutino: Bye.