Episode 25
· 50:31
Welcome to the OutSmart ADHD podcast. I'm your host, Jamie Cutino, board certified occupational therapist, 2 time TED speaker, ADHD coach, ADHD advocate, and reality show contestant. Now let's talk about ADHD. Hello, my friends. If you can feel the excitement in my voice right now, it is so fucking genuine.
Jamie Cutino:Across from me, I have Charlotte Mather. She is a hypnotherapist, tutor and mentor, principal of Acxiom Academy of Clinical Hypnotherapy, and she's a specialist in regression to root cause and inner child hypnosis. Charlotte, I cannot even ex explain to you how excited I am to have you on the show. I have so many questions. This is totally gonna be such a selfish episode of me just learning all the things that I've wanted to know about hypnotherapy, and everybody listening just gets to listen as like a bonus.
Jamie Cutino:So thank you so much for being here.
Charlotte Mather:Thank you so much for having me, and I love answering questions, so that's perfect. Perfect.
Jamie Cutino:Because I'm about to rapid fire that met you, girl. Just kidding. I know we have ADHD. We can only think of so many things at once, but, I wanna know what got you into hypnotherapy? Like, being a a hypnotherapist, did you have a really good experience with someone that's a hypnotherapist?
Jamie Cutino:Like, tell me all the things.
Charlotte Mather:People always ask me this, and I'm like, it was totally random. It was a shiny, let shiny little object that came out of nowhere, but it made sense at the time. So I was working in corporate, really miserable. I changed job every 18 months, 2 years just because board needed something else. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:Or I'd fucked up that many times that, like, I needed to get out. So, I was looking for something. I didn't know what I knew what work for myself because I felt like I was unemployable. I felt like I can't have a boss. I can't do the things they want me to do.
Charlotte Mather:Yes. So I was like, what can I do? And I tried a few things. I did a bit of network marketing. I was useless at it.
Charlotte Mather:I did, an ecommerce shop. I was Uh-huh. Bad at that because that's all marketing, really. Yeah. And I'd, like, hyperfocus on creating the shop and making everything beautiful and finding the stock, and then I'm like, oh, now I gotta sell stuff.
Charlotte Mather:Ew. So I was looking for something. I didn't know what it was. I was at a one of the mind, body, spirit shows looking for some crystals. I was getting in spirituality.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. And someone gave a talk on hypnosis, and literally, at at the end of 20 minutes said that, that's what I wanna do. That's what I need to do. That's what I'm here for. Wow.
Charlotte Mather:I walked out. I booked myself on the next course, and I never looked back. I'd never had hypnosis. I'd never thought of it. Way.
Charlotte Mather:It was crazy. Yeah. It was crazy. I felt it so strongly and viscerally in my body that that was for me, and I can't explain it other than that.
Jamie Cutino:Oh my gosh. I'm obsessed with also, I forgot to ask you. Where are you from? Because I'm obsessed with your accent. You have such a beautiful accent.
Charlotte Mather:I'm from Nottingham, Robin Hood Country in the UK.
Jamie Cutino:Okay. I love this. Okay. So you went this mind body soul, like, shindig, and they're talking about hip hypnosis, and you're like, I'm hooked. I've never even heard about it before this day, or maybe you've heard about it, but I've never even thought about it.
Jamie Cutino:And I I feel called to this. I'm gonna make it happen, and that was the start of your journey. Am I understanding that correctly?
Charlotte Mather:That was it. That was it. And it it kinda just it ticks some boxes for me. I've always been interested in the mind, and, yeah, I'm a bit of a geek. I like science.
Charlotte Mather:So It has. Wanted to get explained a little bit about the science. And I know they'd used it in, like, the medical field, so it felt less woo than some of the things like Reiki and things like that. So felt like there was a scientific element to it that drew me in. But, also, it felt like this awesome, magical kind of amazing thing.
Charlotte Mather:And a little bit I'm a little bit of a was not show up. Yeah. I am. I'm a little bit of a show up. And so I like the idea that, you know, I'd be able to, like, put someone in chance, and that would be cool and awesome, because all I'd seen up to that point was Darren Brown, stage shows, magic shows,
Jamie Cutino:and things
Charlotte Mather:like that. That's a little bit of the element of, oh, this is quite showy and a little bit flashy. Uh-huh. I won't lie. Obviously, that kinda went away a little bit once I learned how deep the therapy went, but that did that did lure me a little bit.
Jamie Cutino:I love this, and I'm listen, I'm gonna be just totally honest. I'm the same way. It's It's like, listen, I wanna show you this really really cool thing that I'd be able to do too. And I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with that. No.
Jamie Cutino:So I love that. A little side note, I it's talking about those, like, hip hypnosis shows. I went to one before, and what they did was, if you were in the audience and you went into, like, the trance state, they brought you up on stage, and you became part of the show, and I was one of those. And, my cousins, like, recorded me dancing like a fool, and they had you, like, you know, rap a song in some, you know, foreign language you don't know. And it it was just, like, ridiculous.
Jamie Cutino:It was fun. But, anyway, I just I'm just like, what you do is so different than that. So for for fellow science nerds, can you break down the science? Because the science is so cool, even a little bit that I know about it, and it makes it seem like it's not so mystical. But, you know, based on science so do you mind sharing with us, Charlotte, what exactly that science is?
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. Sure. So psychosis can be measured. It's a brainwave state that we all go into. Now the science takes us so far.
Charlotte Mather:It's still classed as a natural phenomenon. So that means we can't all agree on why it happens and even if it happens. But it's a little bit like electricity is still a natural phenomenon. Like, we can't all agree. There's theories, there's models, but the whole community doesn't agree scientifically what electricity is.
Charlotte Mather:So it's in the same kind of campus as that. It's like, oh, a it's a mystical, magical, unknown to it. But the science so far shows us that our brain goes into different brainwave states when we're alert, when we're focused, when we're relaxed, when we're asleep, and when we're in trance. So you'll have already been in trance today. As you wake up, you go through a trance.
Charlotte Mather:As you fall asleep, you go through a trance. If you drive your car on a familiar route and you kinda lose focus on whether you go through the lights and things like that, you're in trance. If you cry at a movie, you're in trance. So we go into that state already, like, multiple times a day. And what we're doing with hypnotherapy in particular is evoking, creating that state intentionally because it opens the subconscious mind up to new ideas and change.
Charlotte Mather:So we can access those parts of us that we wanna change.
Jamie Cutino:Okay. There was one part of that that is, like, sticking with me, and if I don't ask the question, it's gonna keep circling around my brain. You said even if when you're crying at a movie, you're in trance. So when you're in an emotional state, is that a trance like
Charlotte Mather:state? So it's more when you're in an emotional state that you almost can't control. So let's say you're watching a movie. I always talk about Endgame. I'm sure everyone's watched it by now, but there's a spoiler alert come in.
Charlotte Mather:And I've watched Endgame maybe 14 times, and I still cry when Tony Stark tries. I still cry. And I can sit there with full mascara makeup on going, don't cry. You know Tony Stark's gonna die. That's my conscious mind.
Charlotte Mather:My conscious voice, the inner voice is conscious saying, don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. You're gonna smudge your makeup. And I saw I'm bawling.
Charlotte Mather:I can't Uh-huh. My throat. I can't stop myself crying. So I'm trying to use the conscious mind, which is willpower Mhmm. To go provide the subconscious mind, which is the automatic autopilot part that's playing a program that it that it believes that this is really happening because it doesn't know what's real and what's fake.
Jamie Cutino:Wow. Okay. So during my second TED Talk, when I literally was like, don't cry, don't cry, and I could not get my shit together, and had to stop and be like, you're gonna have to cut this part out because it's not running from my nose and it's not cute right now. That was a an automatic be coming from my subconscious brain. Subconscious.
Charlotte Mather:Holy shit.
Jamie Cutino:This is so freaking cool. And hypnosis, it helps to, like, reprogram that subconscious. Talk to me a little bit more about that.
Charlotte Mather:It does. So lots of things that are happening in the subconscious are automatic now. So Yeah. I always take the example of learning to drive your car. The first time you get in a car, you're like, oh my god.
Charlotte Mather:As in, you know, manual gears. Like, oh, where's the gears? Where's the indicators? Where's the pedals? Where's Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:Where's everything? Which way's left? Which way's right? When you're building that over and over, you could probably get in your car, I don't recommend it, with a blindfold on, start your car, reverse down your drive. Like, you could probably do that on auto pilot without thinking of it.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. And that's because the subconscious wants efficiency. So it takes something that we repeat over and over, and it makes it automatic. So let's say we're talking about something, anxiety or a trauma response. Mhmm.
Charlotte Mather:And let's say we've had the same trauma response over and over and over, becomes automatic then. And that's why it's hard to change. That's why people can't pull themselves out of it or snap out of it Mhmm. Because the subconscious is now taken over, and it's just running a program on repeat. When we assess that program, we can change it.
Charlotte Mather:We can stop it running on repeat.
Jamie Cutino:Wow. So, Charlotte, do you know is there any any, like, sameness in science between hypnotherapy and, like, EMDR, that you know
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. Yeah. So I I also do EMDR.
Jamie Cutino:And Oh my god. You're so fucking cool. Shut the front door. You do that too. Okay.
Jamie Cutino:Sorry. Continue.
Charlotte Mather:That is that is really fucking cool. And EMDR is is so powerful, and it's like the gold standard for for trauma. Yeah. They work differently, but EMDR will also invoke a hypnotic trance like state. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:Because if you're using that eye fixation of moving from side to side, we use eye fixation to induce trance. The difference with the EMDR is it also incorporates what's called bilateral stimulation, which is stimulating one side of the body and therefore the brain and then the other. So that's the that's the real difference. Like, EMDR is adding another layer to it.
Jamie Cutino:Okay. So when does someone know that that they should be doing EMDR versus hypnotherapy? I've had I've done EMDR a couple times, and it's been fucking life, like, tran like, so transformative for, childhood trauma. But I'm so curious of when should someone go see a hypnotherapist versus someone who does EMDR? And either way, you can go see Charlotte, but I'm curious, when, when would you go see 1 person versus the other?
Charlotte Mather:I really can't answer that because Okay. It's different for everyone. Like, everyone will respond differently to different things. So you you could have the same hypnosis, hypnotherapy session with me as someone else. You both respond really differently.
Charlotte Mather:Okay. And someone that might not respond very well to hypnotherapy might respond better to EMDR or CBT or Reiki or any other thing. Okay. Because if you if you think about it, and I'm not saying everything's pure placebo, but a huge percentage of healing is placebo. And even in the medical field, a huge amount of percent.
Charlotte Mather:Placebo. Yes. And a and a a pill only has to be 5% more effective than placebo for them to say the pill works. So
Jamie Cutino:No. Why? I did not know that.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. 5%. Definitely in the UK, our research is, like, 5% greater, than the placebo, and it's it's effective. So then they just count all the placebo effect. Wow.
Charlotte Mather:Wow. So a lot of it is. So if if that person believes the MDR is going to be the thing that helps them, it's more likely that that will help them as someone that's doubtful and dubious. So, yeah, I don't like to measure, like, which therapy is better or better for a certain person Yeah. Because we're all so wonderfully unique.
Charlotte Mather:So it's just kind of go and go and try these things and find what works for you.
Jamie Cutino:Okay. Okay. I'm obsessed with all of this, and this is a question I have been dying to ask a hypnotherapist. What is the difference between, say, a an app that that offers hypnosis and going to a clinician who is going to work with you specifically? I listen to hypnosis every night before I fall asleep.
Jamie Cutino:Right right now I've been on this kick of of listening to this track called, like, like, believe in yourself or something. And, again, I'm probably believing that it's working, so therefore I'm, you know, feeling more confident. But I wanna know the difference between, like, if someone's saying, why would I wanna go to You, Charlotte, versus go listen to a a prerecorded track on YouTube?
Charlotte Mather:That's a really good question, and it also brings me on to another kind of, not quite a myth or misconception, but something I come across a lot, which is people say, I've had hypnotherapy. Didn't work. And I say, what hypnotherapy did you have and with who? And that's, you know, that's gotta say, oh, it's gonna be better with me or anything like that. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:But it's not all the same. So hypnotherapy is hypnosis from therapy. The hypnosis bit is really easy. I could teach you how to do that in an hour. It's the therapy side where there's a multitude of tools and techniques within that small box that can be used.
Charlotte Mather:So someone might go for hypnotherapy, and it'd be very similar to an audio. So an audio track will mainly rely on the power of suggestion Uh-huh. To positive suggestions so you will feel calm. You will feel confident. Uh-huh.
Charlotte Mather:That sort of suggestion. And that on repetition will create incremental change. So each time a new neural pathway is fired, I will feel calm. I will feel calm. I will feel calm, and that'll build and build and build.
Charlotte Mather:The only problem with that and why I work on a root cause is when you get an incremental change, you get 2 competing pathways. The old one of not feeling calm or feeling anxious is still there, and that can be switched back on in an instant.
Jamie Cutino:Oh, sure.
Charlotte Mather:Work. I remove the old neuropath or I help your mind to erase it through a process called memory reconsolidation. Uh-huh. So it erases that pathway, and so the new pathway becomes stronger and stronger because it's not competing with the old one anymore. Mhmm.
Charlotte Mather:And we do that by getting to the root cause of issue. And so in a therapy session with me and the kind of hypnotherapy that I do, I will be speaking to the kind I'll be asking them what they're experiencing. I'll be taking them back to the the root memory, the cause of the trauma. And that's not always, like, oh, remember what happened to you, what the trauma was, but remember how you felt at the time and the belief that you created at that time are now creating the anxiety or the the fear or the PTSD or whatever it is. So, yeah, it's all about doing a rewiring, really.
Charlotte Mather:That that's the difference.
Jamie Cutino:Okay. That makes that makes complete sense. And does it differ person by person of how many sessions it takes to, like, get to that root cause and really tell it to fuck off forever?
Charlotte Mather:It does. Yeah. It does. And so and, also, it depends, like, how quickly you're on the root cause memory on the actual, we call it the initial sensitizing event. If we could hit on that first time, it might be one session.
Charlotte Mather:Okay. If there's multiple, if it's layered, then it'll be multiple sessions. I usually my average is 4 sessions with the client. Okay. Depending on what we're working on, that's on average.
Charlotte Mather:Phobias are usually one session because it's, like, one thing. 1 I'm scared of spiders. That's one thing. There's one message
Jamie Cutino:that they're gonna do. For a phobia that is, like, overtaking their life. That is wild.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. It's crazy. People don't people don't believe it. They don't believe it's possible. They've had a phobia for 25 years.
Charlotte Mather:How could it be gone in in one session? And I'm not saying it always is.
Jamie Cutino:Sometimes it's
Charlotte Mather:more, but it can be. In probably more than half of cases, it's one session. You maybe 2 for the other half. And sometimes you not here saying it's a it's a a miracle. It's a magic wand.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. Sometimes it wouldn't matter if I did a 100 sessions. Hypnotherapy isn't the thing that's gonna help that person, or they've got a real strong, what we call, secondary gain, which is a reason to hold on to that trauma, that fear, that Wow. They something stronger is holding on to it than anything we can do to release it. So it's not it's not a magic wand, but it is magical.
Jamie Cutino:That is that's incredible. And I'm even thinking of my own coaching. I mean, there's people that tell me, like, you know, like, it's always been this way, it's always gonna be this way. And if you if you already go into it believing I can't help you, then definitely save your money, girl, because I'm not going to be able to. You already going into it thinking I can't help you.
Jamie Cutino:And I'm hearing it similar even in hypnosis at some level, you have to believe this is going to help you for it to do a
Charlotte Mather:damn thing. Absolutely. The first thing I teach my students are the 4 ingredients of hypnotherapy, and that's rapport. So, you know, the person's gotta like you. You're gonna go to their subconscious.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. They've gotta trust you. Rapport is about trust and feeling safe. Right? It's not about whether we wanna be mates with someone.
Charlotte Mather:It's like, yeah, I trust you. Yeah. I'm safe with you. Yeah. So having that rapport, that safety.
Charlotte Mather:Compliance, like, they've gotta be willing to go into hypnosis and go through with the process. Mhmm. And, expectation, they've gotta know what to expect. So Mhmm. Talking them through what to expect, what's gonna happen.
Charlotte Mather:They're not gonna talk back a chicken. They're not gonna bother the dog. You know, there's we're not gonna do that. And then belief is the big one. And they don't have to be, like, fully on board, you know.
Charlotte Mather:It's not as small as I absolutely believe in hypnosis and this gonna work. They can still have a little bit of, I'm not quite sure about hypnosis. Yeah. But they're there. They're in the session.
Charlotte Mather:They're paying for the session. So Right. They must believe on some level. It's Yeah. But I couldn't say go into the pub or into a bar at to someone that says, there's no way you're gonna hypnotize me.
Charlotte Mather:I'm like, yeah. There it is. No way. No hip no hypnotist in the world would hypnotize someone that's saying they don't. That's why, like, the show you were in, they test it first for compliance.
Jamie Cutino:Oh, that makes complete sense. They're not gonna just bring somebody up on stage that is not gonna be able to be hypnotized.
Charlotte Mather:Because they'll if they if you refuse, if you resist, there's no power in the world can make you go into hypnosis.
Jamie Cutino:Yeah. I, aside from that experience, I went to a hypnotist one other time for my hair pulling. And it's really interesting because once you're in that trans state, like you said, we go in and out of it all the time. You don't realize you're in it. I remember when she tested and she was like, try to open up your eyes.
Jamie Cutino:You're not gonna be able to open up your eyes right now. And I'm just like trying so hard. I'm like, fuck, I can't open up my eyes. Not in a fuck, like, you know, like, I'm I was scared, but I'm like, woah. This is working.
Jamie Cutino:Like, you are getting some part of my brain I did not have access to or didn't think that I had access to. So I find that to be really interesting. For those who are listening that are like, hey, I think this might be something that could really help me, but I'm still a little scared. Do you have any any piece of advice that you can give them? Does it just a matter of find someone that you're really comfortable with that that, you know, you can trust?
Jamie Cutino:Like, what type of advice do you have for those people? I'm thinking of my husband. He is so fucking skeptical, but I have been breathing to him. Just like, listen, Joe. I really think if you were to go to a hypnotist for this for this thing, that it would, you know, affect your life tremendously, but he's, like, the king of skeptics, and he might just also be one of those people that is never gonna be there.
Jamie Cutino:But for someone who is maybe teetering and a little bit skeptical, do you have anything to share with them, Charlotte, to make them just a little bit more at ease with the whole thing?
Charlotte Mather:I think you've absolutely right. 1st is find someone they really trust and feel comfortable with. A lot of people assume that might be someone that they know well or a family member or a friend, but often that's not the case. Resistance is higher when you got that close a relationship with it.
Jamie Cutino:Oh, interesting.
Charlotte Mather:Like, my family won't let me hypnotize them. They know me as mom, as wife, as, you know, the lazy lady, the lips in the house. Like, I I'm not they don't know me as the hypnotist or the hypnotherapist. Right. I'm spent, like, 40 years being someone else.
Charlotte Mather:So Uh-huh. Their mind, it takes a lot for their mind to get on board with that. It's much easier, actually, with someone that doesn't know me, but knows me, through a referral or from social media or from my website, and they have me in this professional stance. Even though I'm not professional, I've got tattoos, you know, I don't act professional, but they are about to ask a hypnotherapist. Yeah.
Jamie Cutino:Yeah. I just love I just love your vibe. And, I found Charlotte because we were in the same we were in another ADHD group together, and at some point, connected. And I've just been following her content. And I told her before we record, I'm just like, I purposely don't put out a call for speakers, because I know I would get too many, like, people pitching me to be able to handle as an ADHDer with, like, a very small but mighty team.
Jamie Cutino:But I've been following you for so long, and I just love your vibe. I think there was one time where you're just like, Oh shit, I forgot to press record. We're gonna do it again. And you said it publicly, and I'm like, Oh my God, I'm obsessed with this woman. I've never actually, like, talked to her face to face before, but I'm obsessed.
Jamie Cutino:You work do you work exclusively with ADHDers, or you work with people and ADHDers? Like, talk to me about who you love working with. So when I first went into hypnotherapy,
Charlotte Mather:I didn't even know I had ADHD. ADHD. So that's that's happened sort of halfway through my hypnotherapy career, so kind of two and a half years ago nearly. So I really had no idea I had ADHD. Like, I was as shocked as anybody else.
Charlotte Mather:My son went through his diagnosis and all of the assessments. I'm thinking, these questions are stupid. Yeah. This. These are, like, it's questions, and then I made my husband who's very neurotypical.
Charlotte Mather:Uh-huh. Questions. Like, you you see yes to all of these, don't you? He's like, no, babe. Do this, and he's like, no.
Charlotte Mather:I don't do that. So I was like, okay. I'm gonna speak to the person doing the assessment. I said, doctor, yes to all these questions. She's like, yeah.
Charlotte Mather:I'm sure you have. What what what do you think I should do? And she's like, maybe you should have the assessment. Uh-huh. So I had the assessment, and I was ADHD.
Charlotte Mather:So I didn't really know. Before that and this is a, like, little weird side quest. Before that, I'd started as part of my hypno coaching, like, along the programs working with people, asking them to do Myers Briggs. Have you heard of Myers Briggs?
Jamie Cutino:Yes. Is that where it's like the I n f j, like, whatever? Okay. Okay.
Charlotte Mather:Yes. Yes. Yes. So I asked them to do that because I'm I'm into that, and I like analytics and stuff. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:So I I asked them to do that, and 95% of my clients were ENFP, and I'm ENFP. Oh, okay. So cool. I'm like attracting ENFPs. Like, your vibe attracts your tribe.
Charlotte Mather:And then I read a book and it's called the survival guide on ENFP. It said something like, you've not got ADHD, You've got ENFP. And so then when I got the ADHD assessment, I was like, maybe I've been attracting other ADHD people. Wow. So then I started to have those conversations and realized, yeah, I was attracting people that either had a load of ADHD traits and maybe hadn't pieced them together or suspected for a long time they have ADHD or already knew.
Charlotte Mather:So then it kind of I started working with a lot of and it wasn't intentionally. That wasn't put out in my marketing. Yeah. Even now, you don't see it. I don't it's not in my marketing.
Charlotte Mather:But those are the people that I attract, and those are the people that I tend to work with. And what I've been uncovering a lot, I did a talk on this yesterday actually, is uncovering the trauma of being undiagnosed. Yeah. So the trauma in childhood. So, like, I was called selfish.
Charlotte Mather:I was called lazy. Yep. And I started to believe it because when you're told those things enough times from the people that love you, even if you know, I wasn't selfish. I started to believe it. I'm like, I said it.
Charlotte Mather:It must be true. Right. And I'm not selfish. I just interrupt people. I'm just late all the time.
Charlotte Mather:It's not out of disrespect. I can't fucking tell the time I'm going around. Thank you. I I disrespect. I'm I'm apologetic when I'm late.
Charlotte Mather:I just can't and then the other weird thing, the thing that made me feel like a fucking monster Mhmm. Was I don't miss people. So object permanence. If people aren't there, I don't miss not even my children, not even my dogs, not even my husband. Aware.
Charlotte Mather:I did Kilimanjaro for 10 days, and other moms were crying over their babies. Now I'm trying to squeeze the tears out so I didn't look like a monster because I'm like, I just yeah. Body, that that's there, I forget about you. Like, just my remote, I need you dearly. I will forget you.
Charlotte Mather:So all of these things made me feel like a monster, and that's a lot of trauma. And I've had, like, serious trauma. I've been abused. I've been in domestic violence, like, family unit as a child. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:But none of that has affected me anywhere near the stuff my my family and my loved ones said to me over and over again that I didn't understand because I knew it wasn't true. I'm not selfish, but I'm doing all these things that are selfish. I'm not lazy, but I'm doing all these things that are lazy. So then I became a people pleaser, overachiever, push to try and make up for this for being deflective in some way. Yep.
Charlotte Mather:And now I'm unpacking all of that trauma, and that's what I see in my clients. Yep. And now I'm unpacking all of that trauma, and that's what I see in my clients that there's so much to unpack when they're neurodivergent.
Jamie Cutino:So oh my gosh. And thank you for just being so vulnerable and sharing these thoughts because there is so much fucking mom guilt. And I love working with moms just to try to help them to unpack that guilt and be like, listen. It's okay that you don't miss your kids or that right now you want to kinda throw them off a cliff because they are so fucking overstimulating. So I just really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing that because I think we need to just stop being so fucking quiet about that, just like
Charlotte Mather:Oh, yeah.
Jamie Cutino:As women. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:So I was chatting to a lady yesterday, the event, and she was just saying she was like, we were talking about locking ourselves in the toilet, putting a tacks on her, flushing toilet toilet so we could
Jamie Cutino:scream Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:Because the kids were making, like, too much noise or wanted to crawl all over us in another room. Yeah. I was like, I'll make sure the kids are safe. Go and try and, like and just try and get it out. And that feeling like, I'm the worst mom in the world.
Charlotte Mather:What is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? So, yes, I think a lot of us feel it.
Jamie Cutino:Oh, abso freaking lutely. I hear it over and over from my clients. So can you talk to us about maybe someone that you've worked with, and you don't have to use their name or anything, but that was late diagnosed ADHD and what their life looked like before and after working with you? Because I am so curious to know, like, what it could look like working with a hypnotherapist to kind of overcome some of these deep rooted, like, decade decade issues?
Charlotte Mather:So one one, lovely lady that stands out, she's actually autistic and ADHD as well, so we were we were unpacking a lot. And she had a lot of, she came to her money mindset, actually. Money mindset was, like, her priority thing she wanted to work on. Like, why wasn't she good with money? And then we started to unpack, you know, the beliefs around what what they're created in childhood.
Charlotte Mather:So she'd got this belief that she wasn't any good with money because of stuff that had happened in her childhood with money. Uh-huh. So there was some stuff around, not understanding the value of money. It didn't it didn't make sense to her. The overspending, there was a lot of stuff around, like but this is more on the autistic side, I think, of miscommunication around money Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:And what was right and wrong Yeah. With money. So there there was I can't I don't wanna share too much because I don't want to listen and be like, feel out of me. But there was a lot of stuff of guilt guilt around money. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:And we worked on that, and we took her back to childhood. And what we did was she relived some childhood experiences. And one of them, she just recalled being a quite a small baby being held, like, out, and she had all these beliefs that there was something wrong with her, that she wasn't wanted. And she's, like, how are these feelings as a baby that didn't make any sense? Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:And what we do with the inner child work, which is really powerful, is, you know, we don't know why those beliefs we don't need to know why those beliefs were created, just that they were. And there's a perception that those are the beliefs that bring in the adult knowledge in and using the adult knowledge of knowing now it's autism, ADHD, and just childhood shit that we believe because we're told and reframing and rewiring and reprogramming all of that. And that's where sort of this process called memory reconsolidation comes in. I've got, like, fixing memories. Memories aren't broken, but just putting them where they should be in terms of perception.
Charlotte Mather:When you're a child, right, when you're 3, 4 years old, everything's about us. So let's say our parents get divorced. We're not lovable. We've been abandoned.
Jamie Cutino:Right.
Charlotte Mather:There's something wrong with us because the world revolves around us as a child. We're the center of it. Yes. When we're at the door, we can look back on that and go, no. Actually, when would that hate hate at the fucking sight of each other.
Charlotte Mather:They shouldn't have got married in the first place.
Jamie Cutino:Right. Right.
Charlotte Mather:That was this is this. Then make all that sense of it. We can't do that when we're 4 or 5. But what happens is that memory gets locked in at 4 or 5 along with the police that I'm bad, I'm defective, I'm unlovable, and I've been abandoned, And then it gets triggered over and over again. When it gets triggered, what happens is spontaneous regression, and we turn into that 4 year old on an emotional scale.
Jamie Cutino:Oh, fuck.
Charlotte Mather:So if we've ever had a tantrum, salt, anger, lashed out, what's happening is it's triggering a memory from childhood, and you're regressing emotionally to be in that child again.
Jamie Cutino:Wow. Oh my gosh. I'm thinking so many things. Memory reconsolidation is also a technique used in EMDR.
Charlotte Mather:Yes. Memory reconsolidation is a mechanism. It happens in the brain. It could happen spontaneously naturally. There's lots of therapies that can evoke it Okay.
Charlotte Mather:With through a certain sequence of steps. Basically, a very basic scale. It's find it, feel it, free it. So you find the memory. You re feel into it, and you free it by changing the memory, by creating a new version, like upgrading it.
Charlotte Mather:Grading it with the new knowledge that, no, it's not because you were unlovable, you were defective, and you you deserve to be abandoned because of this, this, and this. So that that client of mine, she went from feeling all of this guilt shame around money and being unable to hold on to money. Like, subconsciously, she's like, I need to get rid of this because it brings me so much shame Yeah. To just turn in a life around, and not just like, it wasn't just the money story that changed. It was everything that went along with that, like, all the guilt, the shame, what's wrong with me, all everything that went along with that.
Charlotte Mather:The money was just the focal point. Yes. So a lot of clients come to me with one thing, and we end up, like, looking at a whole load of other layers, but they're all interconnected like a web. So you start to pull a thread, and it all starts to unravel. Yes.
Charlotte Mather:And that's yes. That was cracking.
Jamie Cutino:That was my experience too when I did, when I did EMDR. I went for this one instance of childhood sexual trauma, and then all of a sudden I'm less angry at my father. And I'm like, where the fuck did this come from? I couldn't believe that working on that one thing, it changed my life in so many other ways too. So it's really cool to hear that hypnotherapy can really do that as well, where you think you're going in for money, but you're also solving all these other issues that you didn't even know were intertwined with it.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. I think Yeah. Yes. Her relationship with her mom changed because there was a little bit of, she felt some guilt and shame, but it was something her mom did. So then she was projecting.
Charlotte Mather:And then, actually, with her adult self, she realized why her mom maybe needed to do that and then forgive her, release, accept. And, yeah, it's like a house of cards. You know? It's like like Jenga. You pull something out.
Charlotte Mather:Everything's crystal clear.
Jamie Cutino:Yeah. Absolutely. I'm curious, and and I am ADHD and autistic, so I have these a lot of what I was actually gonna seek a a hypnotherapist. We're we'll talk about this after because I might be signing up as one of your clients. But, it's just this, like, fear of reaching out to people that are in high level positions because I'm gonna be reaching out for speaking gigs.
Jamie Cutino:So that's something that you could get to the root cause of, okay, where is this fear coming from? So then therefore, I can go and make more money because if there's anything that I hate more than, than my fears, it's that I'm losing out on money. Which I'm sure it comes from my own money shit, from childhood. True. But you can really help anybody with or, like, you know, anyone who's what is willing to believe in whatever their core belief is or whatever it is that's stopping them.
Jamie Cutino:Absolutely.
Charlotte Mather:Absolutely. And it's a little bit like layers of the onion. People think it's one belief like, oh, I'm afraid to speak in public might be a belief that they've got. But, actually, no. It's another belief, another belief, another belief.
Charlotte Mather:Usually, it comes down to, like, I'm afraid of being abandoned or rejected. I'm afraid. And, actually, the only fear is death. So you keep going. What's the consequence of be speaking in public?
Charlotte Mather:Oh, it's this. What's the consequence of that? Oh, it's this, this, this. Eventually, you'll get to death. That's the only fear we've really all got, and then it's the perception we've wrapped around it that makes us believe that when we're speaking in public, we're gonna die.
Charlotte Mather:So we know we're not. We know we're not. That's like a flu. Right? We know the spider's not gonna harm us.
Charlotte Mather:We can't control it because it's deeply rooted in our subconscious. So Yeah. Healing back those layers, then we get to the real truth, the real core of it. And I give the analogy against my students. I love an analogy.
Charlotte Mather:And it's why I go for the root cause rather than the symptom. So let's take the fear of public speaking. And and I know that wasn't your fear, but it's a common sense. Yeah. Fear of public speaking.
Charlotte Mather:Someone might come and they want the fear of public speaking fixing. That could be like, feel confident speaking in public. Oh, you're gonna be amazing. And that will might work a little bit. But, actually, it's a little bit like you're driving your car, and the warning light comes on engine.
Charlotte Mather:Uh-huh. And so you take it to the mechanic, the garage, and you go, I've got a warning light on my engine, and he's like or he or she. They're like, no problem. I'll I can fix that. He's like, great.
Charlotte Mather:How long is it gonna be? 2 minutes. Wow. He takes the bulb out of the engine light and throws it away. No problem now with the with the warning light.
Charlotte Mather:That'll be better. Carry on, John. Uh-huh. You caught it. Don't you?
Charlotte Mather:The bonnet. Look. Look. Side the car. Why is the warning light off?
Charlotte Mather:And that's what root cause is. Standing in there with your tools and finding out why this fear, this this warning light is flashing.
Jamie Cutino:Uh-huh.
Charlotte Mather:That's not the problem. It's whatever's underneath causing it. Okay. That's why I'm I'm so passionate about root cause. I yes.
Charlotte Mather:I don't don't go surface level. We don't do symptom symptom relief here.
Jamie Cutino:Right. I okay. I'm just I'm obsessed with all this because, I mean, thinking about how I could even help myself, it's like, oh, yeah. There's YouTube videos of how to hit how to hypnotize someone. And like you said, you can teach someone how to hypnotize someone in a relatively short period of time.
Jamie Cutino:It's getting to that root cause that is takes really someone who has the skills and that you trust to go there with you. I'm so curious. How long have you been doing this? Like, you are just a wealth of knowledge. And with ADHD hyper focus, like, maybe you just started 6 months ago, and this is where you are.
Jamie Cutino:I know that's not true just because I've been following you for longer than that. But I'm so curious. How long have you been doing this, Charlotte? You are a fucking wealth of knowledge.
Charlotte Mather:So it's coming up for 6 years? 6 years in November. So in a huge amount of time, I see other hypnotherapists, especially being a a teacher of an academy, and they're like, 25 years of my career and 30 years of experience. So that I sometimes get a bit of impostor syndrome. They're like, no.
Charlotte Mather:I've got ADHD. What I learned in 6 years Thank you. Someone else 60 years. Yeah. So that imposter can fuck off.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. That's right. Focus the shit out of this subject.
Jamie Cutino:That is right. Oh my gosh. I I love this. Can you talk to me about your academy? Is it for fellow hypnotherapists?
Jamie Cutino:Is it people like me that are not hypnotherapists? Like, tell us about the academy.
Charlotte Mather:So I started my academy because I kind of walked out with clients, and, I I've got spoons really quick. So I was only able to see a couple of clients a day, and I really wanted to help more people. I thought, how can I do that if I teach other people to do what I do, that ripple effect? So I started my academy. I initially started, with in person courses where where I live, and absolutely just love it.
Charlotte Mather:Love it. Yeah. It was it's anyone anyone wants to change career, you know, get out of corporate to their existing business already. Uh-huh. And my students come from all different walks of life.
Charlotte Mather:Have just created, and this is the the the neurodivergent advocate in May. It's going against the grain a little bit in the UK. It might it's probably different in the US. But in the UK, most of the academies do in person, and it's a full weekend once a month. It's a lot.
Charlotte Mather:It's a lot to take in. It's it's tiring. It's draining. And I don't like to watch things live, so I didn't wanna do online live all that time. I like to watch it on record, speed it up Yes.
Charlotte Mather:And go and have a snack and do all of that. Do something else at the same time. That's how I learned that. So I've created a self study version as well. It's mainly aimed at people that are perhaps already working with clients that have the the confidence because there is less in person practical application.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. It's more theory based, and then you go away and you find your people to practice on, willing subjects Yeah. And put the practice in that way, but it's self led, self paced. So I'm really proud of that. That's quite a new thing.
Charlotte Mather:And like I said, I've gone against the grain a little bit.
Jamie Cutino:And Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:I'm expecting maybe a little bit of backlash, but the reasons that I've done it make sense to me. Like, if someone wants to binge out all of that content because they're ADHD, then fucking love them.
Jamie Cutino:They're capable of doing that.
Charlotte Mather:Yep. And if someone needs to slow it down and take 2 years to do it, then look at them. Don't stick them in a 10 month program that's rigid and restricted. Yes. And, you know, I took this to the accrediting organization, and they're happy to accredit it on that basis.
Charlotte Mather:The content's the same. They're happy with it. I'm still doing the same assessment. So Uh-huh. There's something I'm really proud of.
Charlotte Mather:So that one is more kind of looking at people that have already worked with clients and maybe wanna add another tool in. Uh-huh. And then the in person, I get all walks of life. So it might be someone working in banking or wherever. So
Jamie Cutino:I I love this. So with the academy, will they leave with the, accreditation that they need to to work with clients, or is it that they don't quite have the accreditation, but they have all of the knowledge behind it? Like, what would somebody leave with, with your academy?
Charlotte Mather:So they have a hypnotherapy diploma, clinical hypnotherapy diploma, what clinical means. So that means it's like it takes all the elements of hypnotherapy. Uh-huh. So you you there'll be other kind of modalities. So people talk about solutions focused hypnotherapy or RTT or in different types, but clinical incorporates all of them.
Charlotte Mather:So mind, body, emotions, so dealing with pain, birthing, those sorts of things, then also in a child trauma, fears, and so it's everything. So it's a clinical hip therapy diploma. In the UK, it's accredited fully. You can get insured. You are a clinical hip therapist.
Charlotte Mather:Effectively, you are a practitioner of clinical hip therapy with a diploma. I don't know how that differs. Like, I think it differs in different states in the US, doesn't it? Because you have, like, lay hypnotists and hypotherapists and
Jamie Cutino:Yeah. I I haven't gone that down that rabbit hole yet, but after this call, there's a 100% chance that I will,
Charlotte Mather:because
Jamie Cutino:this is just absolutely fucking fascinating. Can you talk to me a little bit about your second business? Because you had mentioned that, before our call that you have a daughter that's autistic, and you have this second business going called Neuro Network. Okay. Talk to me about this because that's, I'm fascinated.
Jamie Cutino:I wanna know everything about it.
Charlotte Mather:This is a passion project. This isn't something that, you know, we we do to to make money or we do that we're gonna build an empire. This is really a passion project on awareness, and it came about because my daughter's autistic. She's got a condition called misophonia. Don't know if you've heard of that.
Charlotte Mather:She gets triggered by certain sounds like chewing. Yes. Yeah. Crockery, chewing, a lot of sounds, a lot of everyday sounds Okay. Really trigger fight flight.
Charlotte Mather:She wears noise canceling head face all the time, 247, and autistic as well. They kinda go alongside each other. Yeah. And she just finished her a levels college, like, at the point where you get a job or you go to university.
Jamie Cutino:Mhmm.
Charlotte Mather:And she was like, shit. Well, I don't wanna go to university. I don't wanna continue my education anymore. It's been horrific. Yes.
Charlotte Mather:It's been tough. She was gone. And then, we thought about, well, what are you gonna do for a job? Because I'm gonna go somewhere and nobody eats or nobody bangs anything or, you know, nobody tricks you. Like or sometimes they won't allow the headphones.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. So, I was like, right. You're coming to work for me. So she came to work at Axiom Academy Uh-huh. Which which is so much fun.
Charlotte Mather:It's so much fun. She we work together. We just have so much fun. She's 19, and we get each other, and we can unmask together. But I didn't want her to feel very sheltered and, like, it was just working for mom.
Charlotte Mather:So we started to do some well, I started to take her along to networking meetings that I was going to, but she was getting triggered. Chili cups and saucers. We love these in Britain. I don't know if you have them everywhere. We have them fucking everywhere.
Jamie Cutino:Oh.
Charlotte Mather:Little cops and little saucers rattling around making a noise.
Jamie Cutino:God,
Charlotte Mather:no. Every network meeting. So just asking for an accommodation, like, can we just get rid of the sources? No one's going to be disadvantaged by not having the source arrive.
Jamie Cutino:No kidding.
Charlotte Mather:And and but you would think we're asking them to cut their left arm off. They're like, oh, right. You know? No. Yeah.
Charlotte Mather:It's a bit funny, but we just always get them, and it's just what they give us. And no. No. No. No.
Charlotte Mather:So that was literally, like, like, a red flag to me. Like, a red flag to a bull. Was like, I can't I can't do this. We're gonna create our own. We're not gonna have any fucking pops and sauces.
Charlotte Mather:Uh-huh. We're not gonna have any of that shit. We're not gonna have any food. People people eat for 90 minutes. Jesus.
Jamie Cutino:No kidding. No kidding.
Charlotte Mather:That'll be that'll be fine. So then we were like, let's do all the things that are gonna help people like us, and people with the newer dev division umbrella to help accommodate them for networking. So we went on to people. Do you network? No.
Charlotte Mather:No way. I'm like, why? Well, I don't know where where I'm going or what I'm what I'm gonna turn, you know, turn up to, how many people will be there, what the room would be like, what it should be like, what so we're like, right. What if we made you a pre visit tour of the venue? So we show you a video of it.
Charlotte Mather:We take you around. We show you where everything is, what it looks like, and how the seat will be arranged, tell you how many people are gonna be there, do this, this, this, this, and roll these accommodations. They were like, yeah. I'd I'd come along then. I'd come along then.
Charlotte Mather:And so when we just built from there, really and so it's a networking business for neurodivergent business owners to come together, to collaborate, to network, to support each other, and just run math. I've won
Jamie Cutino:Wow. I that is incredible. The one fucking time that I have gone to a networking event, I being autistic, I took it very literal there. Just like, oh, no. It's not like it it's not a a formal thing, like, just dress casual, like, you know, yada yada yada.
Jamie Cutino:I show up in a llama crop top. Everyone else is fucking dressed up. I'm just like, I am so out of my out of my element. I cannot do small talk for 1 more motherfucking second. That's fine.
Jamie Cutino:I will go on and date invite an an occupational therapy job. Like, I this ain't it. I I got a few cars and got the fuck out of there, and I'm just like I I was literally going to the snack bar to eat, to stuff my face, just to, like, have something to do. It so that I didn't have to interact with neurotypical people and small talk. Like, that just makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
Jamie Cutino:So the fact that you and your daughter have created this is just absolutely fucking life changing. If you ever do decide to have an empire, please extend it to the United States as well because it is so needed literally everywhere. This is I mean, this could fucking change so many people's lives, and I think it's amazing that it's changing the lives of people even in your area. How cool is that?
Charlotte Mather:We are so passionate about it. Like, we I mean, we think it's the best thing ever. It's growing very slowly, and so I guess overachiever me has to, like, calm and comfort myself. It's like, these are your neurodivergent peeps. It's gonna take them a little bit of warming up and just kind of spreading the wood, and it's not a race.
Charlotte Mather:You know? You don't have to be this big thing. So we've we have got online networking as well. Obviously, there's less accommodations needed for online, but they're there. It's unmasked.
Charlotte Mather:You know, we have people start there knitting while they're chopping and stuff. I just love it. And and our speakers are all all the neurodivergent business owners that have something valuable to share, not just someone flapping their mouth for 20 minutes Right. Slowly.
Jamie Cutino:Right. Oh, so you have an online component too, so literally anybody from around the world can join.
Charlotte Mather:Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Oh,
Jamie Cutino:okay. So I know that along. Yeah. Abso freaking lutely, I will. I know every single person listening to this podcast is gonna be like, okay, I need to know more about Charlotte.
Jamie Cutino:I need to know where I get in touch with her, her academy. I need to know about Neuro Network. I need to know about all the things. Where where will everybody find you?
Charlotte Mather:I mostly hang out on Facebook. Okay. I'm like I'm like a 44 year old bum. Facebook's my comfort zone.
Jamie Cutino:I'm a 29 year old, and I literally refuse to use any other social media. I'm like, listen, if you don't like Facebook, then fuck off. There's 7,000,000,000 people on the planet. I can find enough of them there. And also, I don't understand how you're 44 with skin like that because I literally need to just take you to a dermatologist and be like, okay, I wanna look like Charlotte in the next year, so give me whatever serum you need to give me for that.
Jamie Cutino:So you will we find you on Facebook. Do you have a website or anything where they could find, like, your academy and neuro network and all that other stuff?
Charlotte Mather:Yes. So my my academy is very easy to find. That's learn dash hypnotherapy.com.
Jamie Cutino:Okay.
Charlotte Mather:So if you pop that in, my website
Jamie Cutino:is
Charlotte Mather:there, my academy. Neuro Network, because my daughter does all the marketing and branding for it, she's fucking amazing at it. Uh-huh. And she's cool because she's 19. That's mainly on Instagram.
Charlotte Mather:So that's to to get in touch with us.
Jamie Cutino:Okay. I am obsessed with those. Charlotte, thank you so freaking much for being on the show, for answering my 10,000 questions. I you are one of my favorite people that I've ever ever interviewed on here. Sorry if you've been on here before because I just had so much fun, and I've just been selfish wanting to learn more about hypnotherapy.
Jamie Cutino:So thank you so much for being on the show.
Charlotte Mather:Thank you so much for having me, and and I shouldn't say this because I've been on a few podcasts, but this is my favorite.
Jamie Cutino:Don't tell me I'm podcasting for sure it's been on. Oh my god. Alright. I will talk to you guys next week. Thank you.
Jamie Cutino:Are you a high achieving woman with ADHD looking for a coach? Or maybe an event coordinator looking for a wildly captivating speaker? Perfect. Go to outsmartadhd.co. That's out smartadhd.co to get in touch.
Jamie Cutino:And before I forget, would you mind taking a minute to share this podcast with someone you love? It would mean the world to me. Thanks, my friend. Until next time.
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